argghh...was reading my ntu email yesterday morning(now its already past mid-nite), and got the shock of my life. turns out that ST Aero withdrew from the Industrial Attachement program. as it turns out, i have to reselect my attachment company on a first-come-first-serve basis?

such responsibility coming from government-linked company. hmph. in the end, i choose to attach to ST kinetics. its much nearer to my place, mind you. besides, it seems to offer better allowance. woo~~

nothing much to write about actually, but i was at a crossroad yesterday. i was wondering if i shld have told her about it. when i first got my attachment at ST Aero, i was delighted and excited that i immediately texted her, despite during her working hours. now i ponder over wat i shld/shld not have done regarding the change.

the though of telling her about the change crossed my mind, OBVIOUSLY. but i cant bring myself to text her. am i still being emotionally attached to her? would it still be right? can i? i still have that guilt feeling when looking at other girls.

enuff said. i did mention i hope to put her behind.

argghhh...today is new year's eve. plans: nil. wonder wat is she doing?

guess 1: countdown with frens
guess 2: stay home

jus got my results for my 3rd year sem 1 examinations. it was...horrid. the only thing that i was only mildly pleased was that i nearly passed all my modules. i got mostly Bs and Cs.

ARGGHHH..i have slacked off.

distractions? temptations? no! i should take the blame. for the incompetence of assessing my own ability, as well as the incompetence of a study schedule, last but not the least, incompetence of discipline and focus.

this is all going DOWN. i shall without fail take these vices to six feet under.

this is the awakening call that i must not condone such evil.

I WILL GET A GRIP.

woooo...jus came back from leavin the final present for her, on the windscreen of her car. in a blue blue envelope(specially made from blue color paper)

it was really exciting. i went to her usual carpark at around 2340hrs+ nearing midnite to christmas day. i was very disappointed that her car was not around. oh well, its christmas eve and everyone is entitled to have fun.

as i was walkin despondent away from the carpark, i decided to drop the gift into her mailbox. jus as i was walking, i suddenly heard a few claps of thunder. somehow i was reminded of what happened yesterday.

yesterday, i was on pulau ubin with my society frens to visit chek jawa. it was so coincdental that she was there cycling as well. she saw me probbably helping out with one of the ice-breaker games. i told her that we would be at chek jawa at a certian timing. however, we still didnt get to meet up. not till around 1640hrs+, when we were all heading towards the jetty. at this moment, we finally saw each another. the moment was brief. she was at the bicycle rental shop while i jus returned from chek jawa on the van. i only got to talk to her at the jetty while waiting for the boat.

wat was interesting was that it started to rain when i met her. then it got worse when i was really close to her at the jetty. we went on different boats, and got seperated. the rain also changed to a slight drizzle while i embarked. somehow, i jus linked our meeting with the wet weather.

hence, when the sudden clasps of thunder came roaring. i was anticipating her return, even though i know its not scientific and its not logical. jus then i saw her car whizzed past the usual road she takes before entering the carpark. although i was at a distance and for a moment(cos i was covered by other structures in between her car and my position), i knew it was her car. but i still wanted to be sure.

i ran towards the multi-storey carpark, through the stairwell and caught a glimpse of the car plate as she went on the deck 2a. it was her car!!

from there on, i snuck around the carpark till she parked her car. i was behind every wall, snuck between cars and looking at her car always one deck lower from where her car was. finally she parked. i was still in stealth mode, waiting for her to be out of sight of her car.

everything felt like a scene from a CIA or Secret Ops movie, that with every step i took, i made sure she was within sight and i was not. my heart was thumping and thumping. i had to ensure she didnt see nor hear me. shhh...

after the gift was carefully secured on her windscreen, i watched her walk towards her lift from the carpark. watching her walk, i felt this urge to company her all the way to her house, like i used to. i even rushed down the stairwell, with the i-wanna-catch-up-with-her speed. the keyword here to note is: "used to". now i can only treasure those moments i used to have with her.

the really weird part is that after all these 'bourne' activities, i noticed that the sky wasnt really going to rain at all. was the clasps of thunder my imagination? or was it jus coincidence? or maybe we really arent made to see each another again? else it will rain cats and dogs.

if u(she) are really this, i would brave the weathers for you, with you...if i could and you let me.

finally back from a long break, a long break from here that is. i guess i am here to announce my closure of the previous relationship. i guess i finally can put an end to it. the closure came with the final gift, christmas gift.

this will signify my final acceptance and total appreciation of her throughout this period of time. although the gift isnt any big thing(in terms of cost), its jus the way i wanna express my final thoughts for her as someone special previously.

just hope that she doesnt read this before i give it to her. :) will ruin the surprise.

soon i will be starting out my internship @ ST Aero. wonder how things will be like. it really got me thinking about the future....digressing into a solemn topic.

current thots on future:
1) 1 million dollars readily at hand
2) the special female friend that i can have till...