today, woke up at around 0800 in the morning. got to laze around in bed. no time limits to keep, no appointments to meet...arghhh...good. when i woke up this morning, i still cannot believe that today is goin to be my free day. no work, no appointments, no schedule to follow, no obligations and no repsonsiblities. life is good.
most importantly, hell is goin to freeze over soon. my work at the factory is ending soon. the last day would be at 3rd May. my concentration is goin to be fully pumped at the endorsement module. because i will not disappoint the Gundam that will be waiting at the end of this tunnel...:) as work is comin to an end soon, i am also startin to pick up pace and momentum at the endorsement module. thinking hard and good lately about the designs of the sumo robots.
oh..jus to sidetrack. i will be doin my final year project at alpha centre. AND my final year project is to create a sumo robot. NOT the sumo wrestler, but robots who will engage in the sumo sport. there are actually 2 events that the sumo robot creaters are supposed to enter. one event is the ROBOlympics in US, San Fransico. the other is the Singapore Robotics Games(SRG) in Obviously singapore. hehe...Mr Lim the overall supervisor called us the sumo ppl, hence i shall coin that term too. so 4 sumo ppl will be selected to join the ROBOlypmics and all sumo ppl will be required to join the SRG.
out of my relatively short contact with Mr Lim, compared to other sumo ppl, i feel that he is always tryin to innovate us and set our standards. he always have his referrence of stories from past battles. however, that is jus to bring us up to his level and hopes that we will bring him higher. i can remember this phrase of his. "the competition level is always rising, this year its here, the next year it will be there." his motto, to think of a winning formula this year for the games and thinking of how to counter that winning formula for the next year. hectic. right now, mr Lim jus want us to keep thinkin of the designs of our bot. through alot of past referrence and videos. now i working on the selection of some of the components, like batteries and magnets. i have already set my eyes on a certain battery, hush hush. maybe this wkend i will looking at the different magnets.
erm...maybe not total concentration at the endorsement module. recently, i met Vincent on MSN. hmmm...maybe i should start my story from the top. before my entry into Ngee Ann Poly, i was actually quite actively involved with a startup venture. Charles, a ex-campmate, was setting up a startup venture and somehow he roped me in. actually, i still have no idea why in the first place he roped me in. anyhow, i was with the venture through its painful start till its first clinched deal. Vincent and Matthew were 2 of the people i got accquainted to while working on this venture. Thomas, another ex-campmate, was actually working on this venture too.
reason of leaving? i haven exactly told Charles or anyone mentioned above yet. maybe i will jus keep it to myself for this current moment. anyhow, met Vincent on MSN, heard from him that the venture is not goin too well. quite a 180 from the description that Charles recently gave me. he told me that the venture is goin well and soon clinchin multi-million deals. hmmm...somehow i bought Vincent's story and chose to dis-believe Charles, despite the length of accquaintanship. that venture was kinda of my baby as well, even though Charles was the orginator of the venture idea. furthermore, i heard that both Vincent and Matthew have dedicated ALL their time on this venture. while Charles are movin on to one of his many other ventures.
somehow i felt very responsible to not let the venture, Vincent and Matthew down. so i have decided to join them and bring the venture up. sounds big and noble but believe me, i have seriously no idea how. jus that i cannot bear to see a sinking ship and jus remain while i stay afloat. somehow i feel obligated to return to a ship i had previously abandoned, to clear my consicence and responsiblity. even if it means goin down with it. i jus hope i live up to expectation for once.
today is also her birthday. got her a present. hmmm...wonder if she liked it. shld be celebrating with family today. then with close frens tomorrow. the presents can hopefully get to her by tomorrow. a promise made by leslie. oei, i holdin u to it. why am i not givin it to her myself? no need...i think. she will be spending time with her family and close frens, no need to invade into that. anyhow...???...
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
today...er...actually yesterday, have a few good news and a few bad news.
first bad news, i jus tendered my resignation ...er...yesterday. so effectively my last day would be on the 3rd May. why the quit? actually, i was still quite hesitant about the decision. however, it seems that my endorsement module is suffering from it as a result. thanks to a few frens who brought it to my attention. thanks Weichien, Joyce and Weiyi. thanks for bringin back my perspective into focus.
second bad news, early in the morning, i jus recieved an sms about the death of a fren's father. wat a way to start a morning, the worst. but i do hope Jinrong is takin it in stride. death in certain way is quite painful. death is permanent. you cannot change the way you die jus simply because you hate the way you die. unlike life, which changes depending on the changes you make.
first good news. i have stopped havin her image when i look at other girls. but guess wat, she still resides in my brain somewhere. jus now while i was working, suddenly her image jus comes online. wat makes matters worse was that, her image jus kept flashing and flashing. i wonder if it was the use of memory that induced her image to appear, as that time i was using very heavily on the memory side of the brain. the flashing eventually stopped...because i grew hungry, and my brain decided to limit the amount of resources used based on neccesity. wonder wats happenin...hmmm...clue anyone?
first bad news, i jus tendered my resignation ...er...yesterday. so effectively my last day would be on the 3rd May. why the quit? actually, i was still quite hesitant about the decision. however, it seems that my endorsement module is suffering from it as a result. thanks to a few frens who brought it to my attention. thanks Weichien, Joyce and Weiyi. thanks for bringin back my perspective into focus.
second bad news, early in the morning, i jus recieved an sms about the death of a fren's father. wat a way to start a morning, the worst. but i do hope Jinrong is takin it in stride. death in certain way is quite painful. death is permanent. you cannot change the way you die jus simply because you hate the way you die. unlike life, which changes depending on the changes you make.
first good news. i have stopped havin her image when i look at other girls. but guess wat, she still resides in my brain somewhere. jus now while i was working, suddenly her image jus comes online. wat makes matters worse was that, her image jus kept flashing and flashing. i wonder if it was the use of memory that induced her image to appear, as that time i was using very heavily on the memory side of the brain. the flashing eventually stopped...because i grew hungry, and my brain decided to limit the amount of resources used based on neccesity. wonder wats happenin...hmmm...clue anyone?
Saturday, April 23, 2005
jus when i thot this holiday is goin to be the same old boring cycle, well i thot wrong. suddenly, everything jus lumped together and created a super "Iron-man" schedule.
like wat i was mentioning the last post. i was trying to get into the alpha centre to do my final year project(sumo-wrestler robot) for the Singapore Robotics games & the US robotics games(IF i get selected, hopefully). well i got in. erm...actually with much special thanks to a few people who FOUGHT hard to get me in. hereby i would like to take this opporunity to thank Tan WeiYi, Joyce Yip, Wong WeiChien and Chee WeiJian. thanks guys. hehe, i guess all these names will have to be eventually be in the thank you speech...IF i get the chance to say thanks(meaning win something).
getting into alpha centre is not a bed of roses at all. first, there are the endorsement modules which the ALL the alpha centre HAVE(meaning compulsory) to go. these endorsement modules are to sorta give a head-start into our Final Year Project. the lessons are for a month from 0900-1700. meaning again that the holidays are roughly burned from 18th April onwards. hehe...but i only attended the lessons from 21st April onwards. hehe...(due to the lengthy-ness of the following content the editor of maxferes.blogspot.com has decided to scrap it)
so roughly my typical day would start off somewhere around 0730+ where i wake and prep of the course. arrival at around 0830 for breakfast. 0900 start class. 'skip' class from 1200 onwards. reach home at best around 1330+, get ready for work. reach workplace at 1440+. end the work at 2300. reach home 2315+. bath, wait for hair to dry then sleep at near 0100. phew...great day rite? this i call it my iron-man schedule for the weekdays. and i have touched on the weekend schedules yet...which is less rigid and more flexible in events. either rest or work.
not exactly regretting the decision as wat most of my frens think, rather i am sorta hoping to get some support to help me get through this period in a sane way. personally, i think this arrangement is already quite the dream schedule. having the best of both worlds. starting prep for my final year as well as earning some cash. jus wondering if i live long enough to see the fruits ripe.
a few other things as well...these few days although i didnt blog online. didnt sorta record my thots and impt events in my life. i did try to blog mentally, when i am on bus wondering into space. the worst part of it is that i will always have no chance to recollect back those blogs.
things are not exactly, goin quite smoothly for leslie. been trying to talk to him for quite sometime, but hesitated and gave up. might because of how difficult it is to even begin the conversation. somehow, i wish i could help in some ways. however, if leslies is reading this, jus wanna let you know, everyone HAS to go through a deepest point in their life. dun sweat walk try to find the way out, because you will eventually laugh about this whenever you look back.
things i guess i finally understood the idea about understanding. when you read, you can only comprehend, meaning that you know the idea that the language is trying to paint. however, in order to understand you will have to know the idea by personal experience. take for example, you read on a book about how a mutton should taste like. with all the adjective inscribed within the pages, you begin to KNOW how a mutton should taste like. THAT is only comprehension. another person who has tasted mutton before reads the same book. to him, the adjectives are mere reminder of how the mutton tasted. THAT is what i think is understanding.
you hear people say this and talk that, and i would like to boldly assume that 80% of the time you would only KNOW what they say. it is when you truly experience that you truly understanding. And i believe that is wat i am here for, to experience the world. i used to think that i was never lonely, even when i was alone all by myself. slowly, i began to hunger for companionship. then loneliness was beginning to cause unhappiness and sadness. then came a different level of companionship that i lusted after. i crave for someone to share my everyday, my every happiness and myself. haha...i guess i am drifting too far from topic... :)
(Bang) something jus hit me...i am goin to do another one of those crazy stuff that i always so oftenly and implusively do.
living life with no regrets. so here goes(abandoment of wat is the right/wrong thing-to-do concept)...remembering the 14th April post and the 17th April post. they were all in ciphers. REASON: to not that specific someone find out wat i was writing about. so why am i de-ciphering it myself? read previous paragraph. so the next question is...WAT the shit was i writing about?
14th April - i wrote about 13th april nite. where i cried myself to sleep. i must admit i dont usually shed tears, even when my paternal grandmother or maternal grandfather both died in front of me. my mother said that i was very stone-cold. guess wat, this stone-cold freak was crying himself to sleep on the 13th April. while at it, there was a consistent pain, which felt like it cut across the heart surface. i was after some time where i did not find any balls(that i threw over) came back. i admit that i was desperate, i was pathetic and that i had super poor timing. of all the times in the season, i had to pick her exam period. so i ciphered the post. i have no wish to destroy her last paper and her very short 2.5 days of holidays. during the whole crying, i saw the funeral of myself and those who attended. hence the title of that post, the death of alan.
i wonder if that episode was jus a natural defense mecahism that my body or mind developed, because suddenly i was able to be as stone-cold as before. or did my heart already give up? my mind certainly did not. thats how the 17th April post came about.
17th April - maxferes will take over the roles and responsiblities of being alan. i have decided to switch to my alter ego, while i hide and lick my own wounds. maxferes was a Warrior-General alter-ego whom i conjured up a few years back. he was always the strong and tough side.
till today, did maxferes help? yes and no. till now, whenever i try to look at another girl, somehow her image floats. then a very restictive presence is felt. an imposing restrictive? NO...jus kinda of like those "oh, cannot ar..ok". desipte all the hectic schedule, my mind can still so readily summon her image with snap finger speed.
"silence cannot exist without noise"
cai li kai mei duo jiu jiu kai shi
擔心今天的妳過的好不好
dan xin jin tian de ni guo de hao bu hao
整個畫面是妳
zheng ge hua mian shi ni
想妳想到睡不著
xiang ni xiang dao shui bu zhao
嘴嘟嘟那可愛的模樣
zui du du na ke ai de mu yang
還有在妳身上香香的味道
hai you zai ni shen shang xiang xiang de wei dao
我的快樂是妳
wo de kuai le shi ni
想妳想的都會笑
xiang ni xiang de dou hui xiao
沒有妳在我有多難熬
mei you ni zai wo you duo nan ao
(沒有妳在我有多難熬多煩惱)
(mei you ni zai wo you duo nan ao duo fan nao)
沒有妳煩我有多煩惱
mei you ni fan wo you duo fan nao
(沒有妳煩我有多煩惱多難熬)
(mei you ni fan wo you duo fan nao duo nan ao)
穿過雲層
chuan guo yun ceng
我試著努力向妳奔跑
wo shi zhe nu li xiang ni ben pao
愛才送到
ai cai song dao
妳卻已在別人懷抱
ni que yi zai bie ren huai bao
就是開不了口
jiu shi kai bu liao kou
讓她知道
rang ta zhi dao
我一定會呵護著妳
wo yi ding hui he hu zhe ni
也逗妳笑
ye dou ni xiao
妳對我有多重要
ni dui wo you duo zhong yao
我後悔沒
wo hou hui mei
讓妳知道
rang ni zhi dao
安靜的聽妳撒嬌
an jing de ting ni sa jiao
看妳睡著一直到老
kan ni shui zhao yi zhi dao lao
就是開不了口
jiu shi kai bu liao kou
讓她知道
rang ta zhi dao
就是那麼簡單幾句
jiu shi na me jian dan ji ju
我辦不到
wo ban bu dao
整顆心懸在半空
zheng ke xin xuan zai ban kong
我只能夠遠遠看著
wo zhi neng gou yuan yuan kan zhe
這些我都做得到
zhe xie wo dou zuo de dao
但那個人已經不是我
dan nei ge ren yi jing bu shi wo
like wat i was mentioning the last post. i was trying to get into the alpha centre to do my final year project(sumo-wrestler robot) for the Singapore Robotics games & the US robotics games(IF i get selected, hopefully). well i got in. erm...actually with much special thanks to a few people who FOUGHT hard to get me in. hereby i would like to take this opporunity to thank Tan WeiYi, Joyce Yip, Wong WeiChien and Chee WeiJian. thanks guys. hehe, i guess all these names will have to be eventually be in the thank you speech...IF i get the chance to say thanks(meaning win something).
getting into alpha centre is not a bed of roses at all. first, there are the endorsement modules which the ALL the alpha centre HAVE(meaning compulsory) to go. these endorsement modules are to sorta give a head-start into our Final Year Project. the lessons are for a month from 0900-1700. meaning again that the holidays are roughly burned from 18th April onwards. hehe...but i only attended the lessons from 21st April onwards. hehe...(due to the lengthy-ness of the following content the editor of maxferes.blogspot.com has decided to scrap it)
so roughly my typical day would start off somewhere around 0730+ where i wake and prep of the course. arrival at around 0830 for breakfast. 0900 start class. 'skip' class from 1200 onwards. reach home at best around 1330+, get ready for work. reach workplace at 1440+. end the work at 2300. reach home 2315+. bath, wait for hair to dry then sleep at near 0100. phew...great day rite? this i call it my iron-man schedule for the weekdays. and i have touched on the weekend schedules yet...which is less rigid and more flexible in events. either rest or work.
not exactly regretting the decision as wat most of my frens think, rather i am sorta hoping to get some support to help me get through this period in a sane way. personally, i think this arrangement is already quite the dream schedule. having the best of both worlds. starting prep for my final year as well as earning some cash. jus wondering if i live long enough to see the fruits ripe.
a few other things as well...these few days although i didnt blog online. didnt sorta record my thots and impt events in my life. i did try to blog mentally, when i am on bus wondering into space. the worst part of it is that i will always have no chance to recollect back those blogs.
things are not exactly, goin quite smoothly for leslie. been trying to talk to him for quite sometime, but hesitated and gave up. might because of how difficult it is to even begin the conversation. somehow, i wish i could help in some ways. however, if leslies is reading this, jus wanna let you know, everyone HAS to go through a deepest point in their life. dun sweat walk try to find the way out, because you will eventually laugh about this whenever you look back.
things i guess i finally understood the idea about understanding. when you read, you can only comprehend, meaning that you know the idea that the language is trying to paint. however, in order to understand you will have to know the idea by personal experience. take for example, you read on a book about how a mutton should taste like. with all the adjective inscribed within the pages, you begin to KNOW how a mutton should taste like. THAT is only comprehension. another person who has tasted mutton before reads the same book. to him, the adjectives are mere reminder of how the mutton tasted. THAT is what i think is understanding.
you hear people say this and talk that, and i would like to boldly assume that 80% of the time you would only KNOW what they say. it is when you truly experience that you truly understanding. And i believe that is wat i am here for, to experience the world. i used to think that i was never lonely, even when i was alone all by myself. slowly, i began to hunger for companionship. then loneliness was beginning to cause unhappiness and sadness. then came a different level of companionship that i lusted after. i crave for someone to share my everyday, my every happiness and myself. haha...i guess i am drifting too far from topic... :)
(Bang) something jus hit me...i am goin to do another one of those crazy stuff that i always so oftenly and implusively do.
living life with no regrets. so here goes(abandoment of wat is the right/wrong thing-to-do concept)...remembering the 14th April post and the 17th April post. they were all in ciphers. REASON: to not that specific someone find out wat i was writing about. so why am i de-ciphering it myself? read previous paragraph. so the next question is...WAT the shit was i writing about?
14th April - i wrote about 13th april nite. where i cried myself to sleep. i must admit i dont usually shed tears, even when my paternal grandmother or maternal grandfather both died in front of me. my mother said that i was very stone-cold. guess wat, this stone-cold freak was crying himself to sleep on the 13th April. while at it, there was a consistent pain, which felt like it cut across the heart surface. i was after some time where i did not find any balls(that i threw over) came back. i admit that i was desperate, i was pathetic and that i had super poor timing. of all the times in the season, i had to pick her exam period. so i ciphered the post. i have no wish to destroy her last paper and her very short 2.5 days of holidays. during the whole crying, i saw the funeral of myself and those who attended. hence the title of that post, the death of alan.
i wonder if that episode was jus a natural defense mecahism that my body or mind developed, because suddenly i was able to be as stone-cold as before. or did my heart already give up? my mind certainly did not. thats how the 17th April post came about.
17th April - maxferes will take over the roles and responsiblities of being alan. i have decided to switch to my alter ego, while i hide and lick my own wounds. maxferes was a Warrior-General alter-ego whom i conjured up a few years back. he was always the strong and tough side.
till today, did maxferes help? yes and no. till now, whenever i try to look at another girl, somehow her image floats. then a very restictive presence is felt. an imposing restrictive? NO...jus kinda of like those "oh, cannot ar..ok". desipte all the hectic schedule, my mind can still so readily summon her image with snap finger speed.
"silence cannot exist without noise"
開不了口
Kai bu liao kou
Composer: Jay Chou (周杰倫) Lyricist: Vivian Hsu (徐若瑄)
才離開沒多久就開始cai li kai mei duo jiu jiu kai shi
擔心今天的妳過的好不好
dan xin jin tian de ni guo de hao bu hao
整個畫面是妳
zheng ge hua mian shi ni
想妳想到睡不著
xiang ni xiang dao shui bu zhao
嘴嘟嘟那可愛的模樣
zui du du na ke ai de mu yang
還有在妳身上香香的味道
hai you zai ni shen shang xiang xiang de wei dao
我的快樂是妳
wo de kuai le shi ni
想妳想的都會笑
xiang ni xiang de dou hui xiao
沒有妳在我有多難熬
mei you ni zai wo you duo nan ao
(沒有妳在我有多難熬多煩惱)
(mei you ni zai wo you duo nan ao duo fan nao)
沒有妳煩我有多煩惱
mei you ni fan wo you duo fan nao
(沒有妳煩我有多煩惱多難熬)
(mei you ni fan wo you duo fan nao duo nan ao)
穿過雲層
chuan guo yun ceng
我試著努力向妳奔跑
wo shi zhe nu li xiang ni ben pao
愛才送到
ai cai song dao
妳卻已在別人懷抱
ni que yi zai bie ren huai bao
就是開不了口
jiu shi kai bu liao kou
讓她知道
rang ta zhi dao
我一定會呵護著妳
wo yi ding hui he hu zhe ni
也逗妳笑
ye dou ni xiao
妳對我有多重要
ni dui wo you duo zhong yao
我後悔沒
wo hou hui mei
讓妳知道
rang ni zhi dao
安靜的聽妳撒嬌
an jing de ting ni sa jiao
看妳睡著一直到老
kan ni shui zhao yi zhi dao lao
就是開不了口
jiu shi kai bu liao kou
讓她知道
rang ta zhi dao
就是那麼簡單幾句
jiu shi na me jian dan ji ju
我辦不到
wo ban bu dao
整顆心懸在半空
zheng ke xin xuan zai ban kong
我只能夠遠遠看著
wo zhi neng gou yuan yuan kan zhe
這些我都做得到
zhe xie wo dou zuo de dao
但那個人已經不是我
dan nei ge ren yi jing bu shi wo
Monday, April 18, 2005
today...hmmm...quite disappointing.
firstly, seems that the extra fone battery i got from my brother is starting to swell up. apparently, he thinks it has something to do with me using his old antique nokia 8850. hmmm...then somehow in quite a PMS mood, rattles me to get a new fone and return the 8850. although i have been eyein on the O2 series for quite sometime...but somehow, still cannot find it in the heart to commit. haha...maybe scared of the fone unable to meet the super high expectation i have of it. OR it could be that i am jus too lazy to get a new phone...:)
secondly, jus found out that i have actually been dumped into the automation centre of the ART(Automation and Robotics Technology) elective. definition of dumped, to be randomly selected and left into for unknown purpose. its not that i HATE automation centre, because that would be a very strong word. erm... ...it would be more likely that i prefer the alpha centre. within the alpha centre, students are all taking part in the Singapore Robotics Games. this was one of the many reasons for my selection of Mechatronics. the realisation of Gundam.
jus side-tracking a little. i think Ms Regina is trying to keep some of us in the automation centre, to be more exact by her side. hmmm...guess its the power struggle between automation and alpha? OR i could be too deep into my fantasys again...well i guess the best part abt this whole issue is that the official posting will be out on the 21st April. so jus 4 more days...er...make that 3 more days(looking at the clock showing midnite le)
thirdly, FINALLY got a stable income job. er...for the short period of time till school starts. or till 21st april. y till 21st april? apparently, those who gets into the alpha centre will have to have a head-start in their projects. meaning everyday before the school starts, from 0900-1700, alpha students are to think ALOT abt their projects. on the other hand, my temp job is from 1500-2300.
1st either i dun get the alpha choice and stay with my job and keep earning for the next 1 or 2 weeks.
2nd get the alpha choice and quit my job. then i wouldnt get paid, cos i need at least 5 days notice.
3rd get alpha choice and stay with my job. look out in the 'pen-pal' section of newspaper, be sure to look out for my face.
i guess no one can have the best of both worlds...however, no harm trying rite...Man were born all greedy and lazy. :)
lastly, because of my job, i will not be havin anymore night life. i mean night life in MSN or online. wanna get my beauty sleep and have no wish to become zombie and scare people.
yea...finally, i think my hair has dried up from the bath jus now. wait for me, Zhuo Gong...
firstly, seems that the extra fone battery i got from my brother is starting to swell up. apparently, he thinks it has something to do with me using his old antique nokia 8850. hmmm...then somehow in quite a PMS mood, rattles me to get a new fone and return the 8850. although i have been eyein on the O2 series for quite sometime...but somehow, still cannot find it in the heart to commit. haha...maybe scared of the fone unable to meet the super high expectation i have of it. OR it could be that i am jus too lazy to get a new phone...:)
secondly, jus found out that i have actually been dumped into the automation centre of the ART(Automation and Robotics Technology) elective. definition of dumped, to be randomly selected and left into for unknown purpose. its not that i HATE automation centre, because that would be a very strong word. erm... ...it would be more likely that i prefer the alpha centre. within the alpha centre, students are all taking part in the Singapore Robotics Games. this was one of the many reasons for my selection of Mechatronics. the realisation of Gundam.
jus side-tracking a little. i think Ms Regina is trying to keep some of us in the automation centre, to be more exact by her side. hmmm...guess its the power struggle between automation and alpha? OR i could be too deep into my fantasys again...well i guess the best part abt this whole issue is that the official posting will be out on the 21st April. so jus 4 more days...er...make that 3 more days(looking at the clock showing midnite le)
thirdly, FINALLY got a stable income job. er...for the short period of time till school starts. or till 21st april. y till 21st april? apparently, those who gets into the alpha centre will have to have a head-start in their projects. meaning everyday before the school starts, from 0900-1700, alpha students are to think ALOT abt their projects. on the other hand, my temp job is from 1500-2300.
1st either i dun get the alpha choice and stay with my job and keep earning for the next 1 or 2 weeks.
2nd get the alpha choice and quit my job. then i wouldnt get paid, cos i need at least 5 days notice.
3rd get alpha choice and stay with my job. look out in the 'pen-pal' section of newspaper, be sure to look out for my face.
i guess no one can have the best of both worlds...however, no harm trying rite...Man were born all greedy and lazy. :)
lastly, because of my job, i will not be havin anymore night life. i mean night life in MSN or online. wanna get my beauty sleep and have no wish to become zombie and scare people.
yea...finally, i think my hair has dried up from the bath jus now. wait for me, Zhuo Gong...
Sunday, April 17, 2005
(1,3,3)(1,4,4)(1,6,4)(1,10,1)(1,10,6) (1,12,6)(1,15,3)(1,18,2)(1,20,8) (1,25,1)(1,27,1) (1,28,3)(1,28,5)(1,28,6)(1,35,12)(1,39,5)(1,40,3)(1,41,3)(1,45,1) (2,4,6)(2,4,7)(2,11,4)(2,12,2)(2,15,4)(2,17,1)(2,24,1)(2,34,1)(2,35,2) (2,36,2)(2,37,3) (2,39,4)(2,41,2)(2,45,3)(2,52,5)(2,66,2)(2,71,3)(2,71,4)(2,72,4) (2,73,4)(2,78,4). (2,79,1), (2,84,1)(2,85,2)(3,36,3)(3,42,1)(3,43,3)(3,44,1)(3,44,4)(4,5,5) (4,7,3)(4,14,2)(4,20,2)(4,36,6)(4,43,2) (4,44,3)(4,47,3)(4,57,4)(4,67,2) (4,70,1)(4,78,3)(4,81,3) (4,97,1)(4,106,5)(5,1,1)(5,1,2)(5,2,1) (5,2,8)(5,2,9)(5,4,3)(5,7,4)(5,7,5)(5,8,5)(5,9,3). (5,11,1)(5,18,2)(5,20,5)(5,27,10)(5,28,5) (5,31,4)(5,34,6)(5,41,4)(5,46,3) (5,51,2)(5,53,4)(5,62,1)(5,62,12) (5,63,1)(5,63,5)(5,67,1) (5,79,1)(5,80,8)(6,30,1)(6,32,4) (6,38,4)(6,39,4)(6,39,5) (6,42,3)(6,45,3)(6,48,2)(6,56,6)(6,74,8)
3D cipher again, with referrence to previous post. ignore all numbers and symbols.
maxferes(the Warrior-General alter ego)
maxferes was borne out of the alan's craving for a new change in his life. maxferes, was the courageous, level-headed and powerful side of alan. maxferes was borne around the time when alan was still in his secondary school.
3D cipher again, with referrence to previous post. ignore all numbers and symbols.
maxferes(the Warrior-General alter ego)
maxferes was borne out of the alan's craving for a new change in his life. maxferes, was the courageous, level-headed and powerful side of alan. maxferes was borne around the time when alan was still in his secondary school.
Friday, April 15, 2005
today, i was basically jus transversing from golden mile complex to woodland's causeway point. golden mile complex was the location of the company that i am still currently working for. the company was recently commissioned to do a survey for the Minstry of Community development, Youth, Sports.
today was the deadline for my side of the survey, which was to interview respondents who at least have a child that is between 0-11. so i was kinda rushing to hand in the last few forms before noon. SINCE denise was still not feelin very well and had a medical appointment later, plus that she asked me to help her hand in her forms too, my journey begun at causeway point. slightly before i left for causeway point, i was at school collecting my last batch of surveys.
THANK YOU Ronald for the help. actually i had initially came to him with the intention to pay for his help. however, this morning, he refused to accept the monetary rewards. hmmm...thanks. hmmm...maybe next time will ask him along for the ride too.
after handing in the forms, there was more corrections to be done to the previous forms. on the spot, JASON(one of the co-ordinator) checked the forms which i jus brought in. some mistakes were quickly amended. others took some time. JASON also entrusted US(denise, ryan and me) to complete another 6 forms BY MONDAY. talk about having too much trust from your boss. oh well...so i had to make my way back to causeway point AGAIN to pass denise her share of the new forms. since denise and ryan are considered as one person. so i took 3 and denise took 3 forms to complete.
actually, everything that was above was quite mundane and boring. wat i wanted to talk about was the bus service number 961. this bus route had an exceedingly large number of freaks that board travel this route. by MY definition of freaks are those people who kinda of act differently from the usual typical singaporean that one might expect. not that i discriminate against them, but you do have to face it, they recieve quite some bias from the law. protection from law?...i guess.
anyway, not tryin to dish them or anything, jus trying to point out this interesting fella whom i saw on bus 961. i was on my way from golden mile complex area back to woodlands, to meet up with denise. then i saw this guy who boarded the bus shortly after i did. he was quite distinct, as in the fact that he actually starting to mumble some in malay(if i am not mistaked). from the first look, he does look more chinese than malay. anyhow, didnt quite bother with him, although he sat behind me and kept repeatin that few malay words in a tune.
it was not until i noticed this SAJC girl who actually boarded the bus later, that i discovered something interesting about this guy. hmmm...for referrence sake, lets call him John Doe(JD) and the SAJC schoolgirl as SAgal.
the SAgal sat on the left column side of the seats on the bus, while me and JD was on the right column seats of the bus. JD was on the last row of seats on the bus. i seated in the row in front of him and SAgal seated in the rows in front of me. SAgal was seating at the seat further from the windows. thus the window seat was left vacant.
JD very quickly moved over to where SAgal was and asked if he could have the seat beside her. that sorta rang an alarm in me. meaning, i may actually soon get a chance to rough someone up. hehe...someone else was also alerted by JD's sudden move. the malay uncle that was seated a row behind SAgal. that uncle kept close eyes on JD. making sure he didnt do anything funny and i guess that uncle really wanted to catch him red-handed. WAY to go uncle, you rock. this uncle kept his eyes peeled all the way of his journey. he even switched between the two seats of his row to have a better view of JD's hands. another observation made was that JD kept really still and quiet when he was seated beside SAgal. eventually, nothing happened.
for a minute there, it seemed like there was no perpetual difference between the profile of the criminals who commits crimes. almost anyone can commit crime. haha...but wat really interest me is the reason why he wanted to seat beside SAgal. the answer became a tad more evident shortily after. when another girl took the SAgal's seat. this time the girl was from National JC. then for referrence sake, NJCgal. this time NJCgal took the window seat.
however, JD didnt take the seat beside her immediately. reason? NJCgal left her bags and books there. as soon as NJCgal cleared the seat, ZOOM, JD was there. this time no more vigilant uncle to keep watch. me? nah...i think he is jus enjoying seatin beside girls. right about now, i didnt actually see him as a freak, and i saw him in a different light. a normal guy with a fetish for seating beside girls. that was soon re-confirmed as he quickly left NJCgal for another girl from Assumption English school. Even before NJCgal got off the bus.
so actually to conclude, i guess theres actually no such thing as a freak and that a freak exist inside all of us. its only a problem of how often do you intend to bring it out for a walk and how short the leash you keep that freak of yours on. hmmm...when am i bringin my freak out for walk? better not. dun think any passer-by will survive my freak, even if i keep it on shortest possible leash.
feng(the gamin alter ego, the child alter ego)
today, finally played lord of the ring 3rd and whacked some ringwraith butt. i was exceedingly happy when i finally killed off that ringwraith. then i walked abit more, whamp, another ringwraith. arhh...how many ringwraiths must i kill? 9? didnt survive the second one. hated it. :p
wonder who so extra and left ringwraith lying around.
should have played the game a few days back de. then got more time to think of strategy and whip those ringwraiths. but NO... thinkin about girl. actually, to me, i was as simple as abc.
i was listening to alan's and maxferes's conversation. they thought i cannot understand de. humph...simple wat. alan is like archer, keep shooting arrow. but arrow always miss. alan always target the non-vital areas to shoot arrow, so even got hit also no critical damage de. no skill...:p then when he fire arrow use up mana, so very fast mana drain up. then he sit there stress got no mana. for me, too simple until like reflex le. recharge lar. then must quickly level up, then up the attribute so can increase the accuracy of shot ma. then have to increase attribute to increase the max mana points also. if got some gold coins, then go shop get better weapon lar.
think so much also dun know wat they want...humph...also discover stone shield very good against ringwraith attacks.
today was the deadline for my side of the survey, which was to interview respondents who at least have a child that is between 0-11. so i was kinda rushing to hand in the last few forms before noon. SINCE denise was still not feelin very well and had a medical appointment later, plus that she asked me to help her hand in her forms too, my journey begun at causeway point. slightly before i left for causeway point, i was at school collecting my last batch of surveys.
THANK YOU Ronald for the help. actually i had initially came to him with the intention to pay for his help. however, this morning, he refused to accept the monetary rewards. hmmm...thanks. hmmm...maybe next time will ask him along for the ride too.
after handing in the forms, there was more corrections to be done to the previous forms. on the spot, JASON(one of the co-ordinator) checked the forms which i jus brought in. some mistakes were quickly amended. others took some time. JASON also entrusted US(denise, ryan and me) to complete another 6 forms BY MONDAY. talk about having too much trust from your boss. oh well...so i had to make my way back to causeway point AGAIN to pass denise her share of the new forms. since denise and ryan are considered as one person. so i took 3 and denise took 3 forms to complete.
actually, everything that was above was quite mundane and boring. wat i wanted to talk about was the bus service number 961. this bus route had an exceedingly large number of freaks that board travel this route. by MY definition of freaks are those people who kinda of act differently from the usual typical singaporean that one might expect. not that i discriminate against them, but you do have to face it, they recieve quite some bias from the law. protection from law?...i guess.
anyway, not tryin to dish them or anything, jus trying to point out this interesting fella whom i saw on bus 961. i was on my way from golden mile complex area back to woodlands, to meet up with denise. then i saw this guy who boarded the bus shortly after i did. he was quite distinct, as in the fact that he actually starting to mumble some in malay(if i am not mistaked). from the first look, he does look more chinese than malay. anyhow, didnt quite bother with him, although he sat behind me and kept repeatin that few malay words in a tune.
it was not until i noticed this SAJC girl who actually boarded the bus later, that i discovered something interesting about this guy. hmmm...for referrence sake, lets call him John Doe(JD) and the SAJC schoolgirl as SAgal.
the SAgal sat on the left column side of the seats on the bus, while me and JD was on the right column seats of the bus. JD was on the last row of seats on the bus. i seated in the row in front of him and SAgal seated in the rows in front of me. SAgal was seating at the seat further from the windows. thus the window seat was left vacant.
JD very quickly moved over to where SAgal was and asked if he could have the seat beside her. that sorta rang an alarm in me. meaning, i may actually soon get a chance to rough someone up. hehe...someone else was also alerted by JD's sudden move. the malay uncle that was seated a row behind SAgal. that uncle kept close eyes on JD. making sure he didnt do anything funny and i guess that uncle really wanted to catch him red-handed. WAY to go uncle, you rock. this uncle kept his eyes peeled all the way of his journey. he even switched between the two seats of his row to have a better view of JD's hands. another observation made was that JD kept really still and quiet when he was seated beside SAgal. eventually, nothing happened.
for a minute there, it seemed like there was no perpetual difference between the profile of the criminals who commits crimes. almost anyone can commit crime. haha...but wat really interest me is the reason why he wanted to seat beside SAgal. the answer became a tad more evident shortily after. when another girl took the SAgal's seat. this time the girl was from National JC. then for referrence sake, NJCgal. this time NJCgal took the window seat.
however, JD didnt take the seat beside her immediately. reason? NJCgal left her bags and books there. as soon as NJCgal cleared the seat, ZOOM, JD was there. this time no more vigilant uncle to keep watch. me? nah...i think he is jus enjoying seatin beside girls. right about now, i didnt actually see him as a freak, and i saw him in a different light. a normal guy with a fetish for seating beside girls. that was soon re-confirmed as he quickly left NJCgal for another girl from Assumption English school. Even before NJCgal got off the bus.
so actually to conclude, i guess theres actually no such thing as a freak and that a freak exist inside all of us. its only a problem of how often do you intend to bring it out for a walk and how short the leash you keep that freak of yours on. hmmm...when am i bringin my freak out for walk? better not. dun think any passer-by will survive my freak, even if i keep it on shortest possible leash.
feng(the gamin alter ego, the child alter ego)
today, finally played lord of the ring 3rd and whacked some ringwraith butt. i was exceedingly happy when i finally killed off that ringwraith. then i walked abit more, whamp, another ringwraith. arhh...how many ringwraiths must i kill? 9? didnt survive the second one. hated it. :p
wonder who so extra and left ringwraith lying around.
should have played the game a few days back de. then got more time to think of strategy and whip those ringwraiths. but NO... thinkin about girl. actually, to me, i was as simple as abc.
i was listening to alan's and maxferes's conversation. they thought i cannot understand de. humph...simple wat. alan is like archer, keep shooting arrow. but arrow always miss. alan always target the non-vital areas to shoot arrow, so even got hit also no critical damage de. no skill...:p then when he fire arrow use up mana, so very fast mana drain up. then he sit there stress got no mana. for me, too simple until like reflex le. recharge lar. then must quickly level up, then up the attribute so can increase the accuracy of shot ma. then have to increase attribute to increase the max mana points also. if got some gold coins, then go shop get better weapon lar.
think so much also dun know wat they want...humph...also discover stone shield very good against ringwraith attacks.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
(1,1,1)(1,2,5)(1,2,6) (1,3,6)(1,4,4)(1,13,3)(1,15,2)(1,16,1) (1,18,2)(1,23,1) (1,33,3)(2,4,1)(2,5,1)(2,6,4)
(2,16,2)(2,18,2)(2,29,3)(2,30,5) (2,38,5)(2,40,2)(2,43,4)(2,43,6), (2.45.1) (3,5,1)(3.14.7)(3,15,3)(3,16,2)(3,16,9) (3,18,3)(3,19,2)(3,21,3)(3,22,2)(3,25,6)(4,7,2) (4,8,13)(4,10,5) (4,47,1)(4,47,2)(4,52,8). (4,59,1)(4,59,3)(4,61,5)(4,64,2)(4,64,3)(4,68,2) (4,69,1)(4,76,3)(4,76,4) (4,77,1)(4,77,2)(4,77,3) (4,80,1)(4,83,3)(4,84,1)(4,85,3) (4,90,4)(4,90,5) (5,10,3)(5,29,5) (5,29,7)(5,30,2)(5,34,2)(5,34,6)(5,36,1).
cipher this. using the previous post as referrence. picture the previous post in 3D(x,y,z) coordinates. ignore all numbers that you come across...
(2,16,2)(2,18,2)(2,29,3)(2,30,5) (2,38,5)(2,40,2)(2,43,4)(2,43,6), (2.45.1) (3,5,1)(3.14.7)(3,15,3)(3,16,2)(3,16,9) (3,18,3)(3,19,2)(3,21,3)(3,22,2)(3,25,6)(4,7,2) (4,8,13)(4,10,5) (4,47,1)(4,47,2)(4,52,8). (4,59,1)(4,59,3)(4,61,5)(4,64,2)(4,64,3)(4,68,2) (4,69,1)(4,76,3)(4,76,4) (4,77,1)(4,77,2)(4,77,3) (4,80,1)(4,83,3)(4,84,1)(4,85,3) (4,90,4)(4,90,5) (5,10,3)(5,29,5) (5,29,7)(5,30,2)(5,34,2)(5,34,6)(5,36,1).
cipher this. using the previous post as referrence. picture the previous post in 3D(x,y,z) coordinates. ignore all numbers that you come across...
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
today...another failed attempt to go for the event crew interview. denise(ryan's girlfriend) still have yet to recover enough to go for the interview. ended up spending most of my time chatting up with one of my ex-camp mate, Mak Kah Wai.
kah wai, was like a younger brother to me. i remembered that we didnt talk alot with each other in camp. however, when we did, he really poured his heart out. we always had this verbal clashes(friendly ones), like how my brother and i does it.
well, maybe as you can tell the main point of this post was neither points mentioned above. somehow, my brain jus went into its normal and usual mode. the usually depressed and depressing mode.
recently, i have been recieving alot of encouragement and support for me to press on. most of them tell me that i am still in a hopeful state, and that if i press on everything will be fine. i got support from Kumar(one of my best fren). Benny(who got baptised on the 10 April, also another best fren) didnt comment on it. alicia seems to be enthu and standing on my side and supporting. well, the list of people goes on. that i dun even know how to begin it or end it.
so like how a libra would do, i took some of the advice. i continued to sort of continue being frens with her and i guess thats how everything seems to be goin haywire. looking through maxferes(a third person) eyes, i see alan as a very very pathetic guy.
maxferes : "you are like the most pathetic guy i have ever seen. what the shit are you trying to do? beggin for her attention? wat is all this thinking about her about?"
alan : "... ...i guess i am jus trying to hold on to watever hope i have."
maxferes : "what hope? you have got to start thinking for yourself. start planning for your own future. why are you giving such a damn about this girl? there will be plenty more from where that came from. no need to fret?"
alan : "at this moment, she is like the most special one. the only girl so far to have evoked such a reaction in me. and i jus afraid that i might not find another similar or even better."
maxferes : "you such a big sissy, wuss. lets just face the facts. firstly, she doesnt like you. so don't you think you are trying abit too hard. secondly, ..."
feng : "so when can we end e lord of e rings 3rd age...wanna try whack e ringwraith again."
maxferes : "hey wait for your turn. besides, this is our talk, get lost."
feng : "tml is a gd dae 2 play u know?"
alan : "how abt we talk abt that issue slightly later. so as you were saying?"
maxferes : "firstly, she doesn't like you. so where the shit did that hope come from? the trash bin? secondly, can you like get a hold of yourself because you LOOK like SHIT. you don't exactly qualify for the heart-throb section. nor do you fit into the filthy rich section."
alan : "but is that anything to do with our topic?"
maxferes : "why not you, dick. what makes you think she will look at you twice without either looks or cash. NAIVE. everyone is the same. first impression counts. you either let everyone gravel at your feet for your beauty or let everyone pray to your cash at hand."
alan : "not everyone is like that one. for one i dun think she is. hey, not everyone is THAT shallow. at least i m not. its actually more of how you get along with people that decides the type of relationship you have with them. its like some are really meant to jus be hi-bye frens and some are like really cool to hang around with as frens. you get wat i mean"
maxferes : "ok...LETS just say that you are right for once. ok, then thirdly, do you deny that you are totally boring AND LIFELESS. to totally define your boring and lifeless, i would have to add that it tends towards infinity."
alan : "well, its not exactly true. jus that i can easily entertain myself without the need for external factors."
feng : "yea...PS2!!!i hopin 2 play rose also...but scared later get addicted sia...ü"
maxferes : "just face it. you are too thrifty to spend even spend on your own entertainment activities. MISER"
alan : "actually, its not that i dun wanna spend on my own entertainment activities. its jus that i cannot even enjoy. singing at KBox, to me, its jus singing. then dancing..."
maxferes : "in short, if you don't mind already."
alan : "i dun know. i think its becos ... ... i haven found someone to enjoy it with."
maxferes : "THATS like totally lame and loser."
alan : "no its like, playmates. children can play by themselves too. but jus that they might enjoy it even better if they had a playmate or 2. i guess the same goes for me. i jus haven found the right playmate to enjoy it with."
maxferes : "you know Playboys have plenty of playmates..."
alan : "NOT in that context!!"
maxferes : "haha. so when are you going to get that playmate of yours? then redeem back your un-boring and active lifestyle."
alan : "well, i dun know"
maxferes : "then what the freak DO you KNOW?"
alan : "its gettin harder and harder by the minute."
maxferes : "you know we can all work together to forget about her. its easy. since you don't even remember much things too."
alan : "..."
"人因梦想而伟大, 王因坚持梦想而圣大"
kah wai, was like a younger brother to me. i remembered that we didnt talk alot with each other in camp. however, when we did, he really poured his heart out. we always had this verbal clashes(friendly ones), like how my brother and i does it.
well, maybe as you can tell the main point of this post was neither points mentioned above. somehow, my brain jus went into its normal and usual mode. the usually depressed and depressing mode.
recently, i have been recieving alot of encouragement and support for me to press on. most of them tell me that i am still in a hopeful state, and that if i press on everything will be fine. i got support from Kumar(one of my best fren). Benny(who got baptised on the 10 April, also another best fren) didnt comment on it. alicia seems to be enthu and standing on my side and supporting. well, the list of people goes on. that i dun even know how to begin it or end it.
so like how a libra would do, i took some of the advice. i continued to sort of continue being frens with her and i guess thats how everything seems to be goin haywire. looking through maxferes(a third person) eyes, i see alan as a very very pathetic guy.
maxferes : "you are like the most pathetic guy i have ever seen. what the shit are you trying to do? beggin for her attention? wat is all this thinking about her about?"
alan : "... ...i guess i am jus trying to hold on to watever hope i have."
maxferes : "what hope? you have got to start thinking for yourself. start planning for your own future. why are you giving such a damn about this girl? there will be plenty more from where that came from. no need to fret?"
alan : "at this moment, she is like the most special one. the only girl so far to have evoked such a reaction in me. and i jus afraid that i might not find another similar or even better."
maxferes : "you such a big sissy, wuss. lets just face the facts. firstly, she doesnt like you. so don't you think you are trying abit too hard. secondly, ..."
feng : "so when can we end e lord of e rings 3rd age...wanna try whack e ringwraith again."
maxferes : "hey wait for your turn. besides, this is our talk, get lost."
feng : "tml is a gd dae 2 play u know?"
alan : "how abt we talk abt that issue slightly later. so as you were saying?"
maxferes : "firstly, she doesn't like you. so where the shit did that hope come from? the trash bin? secondly, can you like get a hold of yourself because you LOOK like SHIT. you don't exactly qualify for the heart-throb section. nor do you fit into the filthy rich section."
alan : "but is that anything to do with our topic?"
maxferes : "why not you, dick. what makes you think she will look at you twice without either looks or cash. NAIVE. everyone is the same. first impression counts. you either let everyone gravel at your feet for your beauty or let everyone pray to your cash at hand."
alan : "not everyone is like that one. for one i dun think she is. hey, not everyone is THAT shallow. at least i m not. its actually more of how you get along with people that decides the type of relationship you have with them. its like some are really meant to jus be hi-bye frens and some are like really cool to hang around with as frens. you get wat i mean"
maxferes : "ok...LETS just say that you are right for once. ok, then thirdly, do you deny that you are totally boring AND LIFELESS. to totally define your boring and lifeless, i would have to add that it tends towards infinity."
alan : "well, its not exactly true. jus that i can easily entertain myself without the need for external factors."
feng : "yea...PS2!!!i hopin 2 play rose also...but scared later get addicted sia...ü"
maxferes : "just face it. you are too thrifty to spend even spend on your own entertainment activities. MISER"
alan : "actually, its not that i dun wanna spend on my own entertainment activities. its jus that i cannot even enjoy. singing at KBox, to me, its jus singing. then dancing..."
maxferes : "in short, if you don't mind already."
alan : "i dun know. i think its becos ... ... i haven found someone to enjoy it with."
maxferes : "THATS like totally lame and loser."
alan : "no its like, playmates. children can play by themselves too. but jus that they might enjoy it even better if they had a playmate or 2. i guess the same goes for me. i jus haven found the right playmate to enjoy it with."
maxferes : "you know Playboys have plenty of playmates..."
alan : "NOT in that context!!"
maxferes : "haha. so when are you going to get that playmate of yours? then redeem back your un-boring and active lifestyle."
alan : "well, i dun know"
maxferes : "then what the freak DO you KNOW?"
alan : "its gettin harder and harder by the minute."
maxferes : "you know we can all work together to forget about her. its easy. since you don't even remember much things too."
alan : "..."
"人因梦想而伟大, 王因坚持梦想而圣大"
she woke up at 0820. actually i had wanted to wake her up at 0730, apparently my phone calls was not an effective method.
i had actually messaged her at around 0730 to make sure that she was awake. i waited and waited but no reply. then at regular interval, i started to call and hope that she would pick up the phone. i got really panicky at around 0800 when she was still not picking up the phone. then i heaved a sigh of relief at last when she picked up the phone at around 0820.
last night was one of my worst night. firstly, i did not dream nor did my brain get any rest. secondly, i didnt get into a deep slumber like how i would usually. my brain was consistently kept awake and working. my brain was going through the steps that i had to do when i wake up at around 0730. that was occupying my brain throughout the night. i was in such a light sleep that i even managed to reply a message that came in at around 0500++. frankly, speaking my brain was actually waiting for the alarm clock to go off. the only other time that i can remember pulling such a 'stunt' was when in was in National Service doing night duties.
last night before i went to sleep, i waited for her message to reach my phone. she told me that she would sleep early, but i was afraid that she might be too engrossed in her notes. furthermore, i was kinda afraid that she might break out while studying and might need someone to talk to. when she eventually messaged, that she was goin to bed. that was another sign of relief. because an early night rest, will help improve the brain clarity condition. then i set my alarm clock to go off at 0730. usually, my alarm clock would have its leave whenever i had my holidays. 0730 was a good time because she would get around 7 hrs of rest. although a sick person might need more hours of rest. secondly, she would be in time for her last minute revision at school at 0830.
jus stepped out of the bath after waking her up. hope that this paper would be jus a breeze...
i had actually messaged her at around 0730 to make sure that she was awake. i waited and waited but no reply. then at regular interval, i started to call and hope that she would pick up the phone. i got really panicky at around 0800 when she was still not picking up the phone. then i heaved a sigh of relief at last when she picked up the phone at around 0820.
last night was one of my worst night. firstly, i did not dream nor did my brain get any rest. secondly, i didnt get into a deep slumber like how i would usually. my brain was consistently kept awake and working. my brain was going through the steps that i had to do when i wake up at around 0730. that was occupying my brain throughout the night. i was in such a light sleep that i even managed to reply a message that came in at around 0500++. frankly, speaking my brain was actually waiting for the alarm clock to go off. the only other time that i can remember pulling such a 'stunt' was when in was in National Service doing night duties.
last night before i went to sleep, i waited for her message to reach my phone. she told me that she would sleep early, but i was afraid that she might be too engrossed in her notes. furthermore, i was kinda afraid that she might break out while studying and might need someone to talk to. when she eventually messaged, that she was goin to bed. that was another sign of relief. because an early night rest, will help improve the brain clarity condition. then i set my alarm clock to go off at 0730. usually, my alarm clock would have its leave whenever i had my holidays. 0730 was a good time because she would get around 7 hrs of rest. although a sick person might need more hours of rest. secondly, she would be in time for her last minute revision at school at 0830.
jus stepped out of the bath after waking her up. hope that this paper would be jus a breeze...
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
she is sick le...jus when i thot of getting her off my mind for a change, she falls sick.
recently, i found that i have quite into her stuffs, like her current exams. the times that i c her online, i get her to try and at least study for her exams. although i know that she knows wat is best for her and that she will almost very certainly do wat's best for her. and it is also for certain that she may get complacent and not do wat she thinks she has to do. THAT IS TO STUDY. so jus think of it as watchin her back.
it was monday, when she had her third last paper. she was rather confident abt that paper. however, i still tried to get her to at least do a minimal revision for it. then, at that point, i jus thought that i maybe overly concern abt her matters. after all, wat am i. maybe i shld jus take a step back and relax my life a little and enjoy.
today i had initially planned to go down for an interview with denise(ryan's girlfriend). jus so happens that she was not feelin well. so we kinda shelved that idea. then i proceeded to play badminton at Pasir Panjang Christ Church. i felt it was fun...till now.
i JUS discovered she is not feelin well. furthermore, she is havin her exams tomorrow morning. that really sucked. jus when i turned my head around for the minute. now its late in the night, plauged with the sickly feeling, she still tries to plough through the pages and pages of notes. i really felt very gulity about the whole badminton session.
whats the use of my natural ability to comprehend and understand ideas and pattern when i cannot even use it at the right time and moment. i should have been there to summarise and help her more effectively and efficiently study for tomorrow's exam. while i jus aimlessly wasted it on badminton.
now as i type...she trys to conquer the illness, fights for sanity and the sandman, while tryin to study for her exams. now all i can do is WAIT. wait for her call, if she cannot handle the stress and feels like breaking out. wait for her message, to say that she is goin to sleep. so that she can let her brain be in better condition to think and analysis for tomorrow's paper.
(this passage is written out of rage and anxiety. Rage for myself and anxiety for her)
recently, i found that i have quite into her stuffs, like her current exams. the times that i c her online, i get her to try and at least study for her exams. although i know that she knows wat is best for her and that she will almost very certainly do wat's best for her. and it is also for certain that she may get complacent and not do wat she thinks she has to do. THAT IS TO STUDY. so jus think of it as watchin her back.
it was monday, when she had her third last paper. she was rather confident abt that paper. however, i still tried to get her to at least do a minimal revision for it. then, at that point, i jus thought that i maybe overly concern abt her matters. after all, wat am i. maybe i shld jus take a step back and relax my life a little and enjoy.
today i had initially planned to go down for an interview with denise(ryan's girlfriend). jus so happens that she was not feelin well. so we kinda shelved that idea. then i proceeded to play badminton at Pasir Panjang Christ Church. i felt it was fun...till now.
i JUS discovered she is not feelin well. furthermore, she is havin her exams tomorrow morning. that really sucked. jus when i turned my head around for the minute. now its late in the night, plauged with the sickly feeling, she still tries to plough through the pages and pages of notes. i really felt very gulity about the whole badminton session.
whats the use of my natural ability to comprehend and understand ideas and pattern when i cannot even use it at the right time and moment. i should have been there to summarise and help her more effectively and efficiently study for tomorrow's exam. while i jus aimlessly wasted it on badminton.
now as i type...she trys to conquer the illness, fights for sanity and the sandman, while tryin to study for her exams. now all i can do is WAIT. wait for her call, if she cannot handle the stress and feels like breaking out. wait for her message, to say that she is goin to sleep. so that she can let her brain be in better condition to think and analysis for tomorrow's paper.
(this passage is written out of rage and anxiety. Rage for myself and anxiety for her)
hmmm...have been kept really busy lately. its not that i am complaining, nor is it that i am kinda of enjoying it.
was working, actually, still am working for this survey company. they were commissioned by the Minstry of community development, youth, sports to do a survey about whether singaporeans, who has a child between 0-11years, think that singapore is family friendly or not.
i sort of joined in the survey quite late, near the ending few sessions. my apologises goes out to those who wanted to help me but may not be able to do so. hmmm...i was actually very enthu about this whole survey thing. i was like getting $10 for each completed survey. however, the revenue from the street pickup was really low. out of the 3 days that my frens and i did, the maximum hit was abt 5 in a single day.
that actually got me thinking...improvising. i thot of a plan jus after one day of working. to ask all of my frens for help. since everyone has a few contacts, that might be willing to do the survey, it would actually amass to a large number from my point of view. since there was no free lunch, i thot of splittin my earnings with those who gave me referrals. so i jus spread the word, for each referral $5 will be paid in cash and in full after the completed form. that jus leave me with the other $5 which i will have to split with my partner(denise, ryan's girlfriend). a big drop in earnings from 10 to 2.5, i agree. however, that really reeled in the mass of respondents that i wanted. WOW!!! but oh well, nothing is quite as ideal as it seems. the survey is comin to an end, my boss doesnt seem to need the numbers. still waiting for his reply though.
jus yesterday, i was out with another fren alicia, whom i met during my days working for Akira Junior selling toys. i guess she is one of the youngest fren i have around. a whopping 6 years younger. despite the age, i guess she's quite mature in some areas.(in case you are reading, JUS SOME areas only, and dun get too high abt it). actually i was supposed to meet her to shop for a birthday present. well, the rain played a major factor in destroying the time for shopping. another factor was that she got lost in TP, while trying to submit a form.
not that i have anything against TP, but you mean u cannot even direct your future-to-be students to the right corner of TP. luckily i was not with her to TP. i jus met her downtown to shop. or rather to talk. then you will be quite amazed, well i was. oh, congrats to finding a boyfriend, alicia.
when i first met her, she was like telling the whole world how much a dis-believer of love she is. but then, i knew she was jus been childish, cos it seemed to young for anyone to be a dis-believer at her age. imagine the amount of trauma in love you have been through. and oh, here's an advanced happy birthday for alicia's boyfriend(april 30). HAPPY BIRTHDAY...although i doubt her boyfriend would see this.
today, a long day ahead. a planned interview to be an event crew(paid cow) and a badminton session with my dearest classmates. long lag time since the last session, wonder how much form is left. or was there any to begin with...hmmm...anyhow, here i come new day.
was working, actually, still am working for this survey company. they were commissioned by the Minstry of community development, youth, sports to do a survey about whether singaporeans, who has a child between 0-11years, think that singapore is family friendly or not.
i sort of joined in the survey quite late, near the ending few sessions. my apologises goes out to those who wanted to help me but may not be able to do so. hmmm...i was actually very enthu about this whole survey thing. i was like getting $10 for each completed survey. however, the revenue from the street pickup was really low. out of the 3 days that my frens and i did, the maximum hit was abt 5 in a single day.
that actually got me thinking...improvising. i thot of a plan jus after one day of working. to ask all of my frens for help. since everyone has a few contacts, that might be willing to do the survey, it would actually amass to a large number from my point of view. since there was no free lunch, i thot of splittin my earnings with those who gave me referrals. so i jus spread the word, for each referral $5 will be paid in cash and in full after the completed form. that jus leave me with the other $5 which i will have to split with my partner(denise, ryan's girlfriend). a big drop in earnings from 10 to 2.5, i agree. however, that really reeled in the mass of respondents that i wanted. WOW!!! but oh well, nothing is quite as ideal as it seems. the survey is comin to an end, my boss doesnt seem to need the numbers. still waiting for his reply though.
jus yesterday, i was out with another fren alicia, whom i met during my days working for Akira Junior selling toys. i guess she is one of the youngest fren i have around. a whopping 6 years younger. despite the age, i guess she's quite mature in some areas.(in case you are reading, JUS SOME areas only, and dun get too high abt it). actually i was supposed to meet her to shop for a birthday present. well, the rain played a major factor in destroying the time for shopping. another factor was that she got lost in TP, while trying to submit a form.
not that i have anything against TP, but you mean u cannot even direct your future-to-be students to the right corner of TP. luckily i was not with her to TP. i jus met her downtown to shop. or rather to talk. then you will be quite amazed, well i was. oh, congrats to finding a boyfriend, alicia.
when i first met her, she was like telling the whole world how much a dis-believer of love she is. but then, i knew she was jus been childish, cos it seemed to young for anyone to be a dis-believer at her age. imagine the amount of trauma in love you have been through. and oh, here's an advanced happy birthday for alicia's boyfriend(april 30). HAPPY BIRTHDAY...although i doubt her boyfriend would see this.
today, a long day ahead. a planned interview to be an event crew(paid cow) and a badminton session with my dearest classmates. long lag time since the last session, wonder how much form is left. or was there any to begin with...hmmm...anyhow, here i come new day.
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
today officially second day of my holidays. after quite fearsome battle in Battle Royale, i though this break was quite a well-deserved one. as it turns out...i have already lost all interest in the PS2, my computer games and soon my extra nap time.
after the first day of holidays, got tired of all the gamin. switched slight attention to sleeping. slowly and painfully draggin through the day.
today, got so much sleep i think all my tissues all repaired beyond tip-top conditions.
wondering why i am not looking for a job to more productivity use time? i have but not looking too hard, i guess.
anyway, this morning, woke up at 0500++. actually, more accurately, i was disturbed from sleep. i had this unbearable itchness that spreaded throughout my body. at first, i thought it was jus hallucination. so i jus scratched, and tried to make it go away.
then i went on and on, till the itchness actually kick started my whole brain to wake up. at that moment, my body still remains in half sleep mode. brain started to analyse. first, was wondering why the leg has more centralised itchness. so next corrective measure, to the nearest bathroom, rinise leg. still itchy, and condition spreading upwards.
second run of thoughts, maybe the bed got fleas or similar pests. next corrective action, left bed, and sleep on the mattress on the floor, which was beside my bed. only bringing along bolster. initially, it seemed that the problem was gone. suddenly, remembered that today was 6th April. hmmm...brain suddenly executed an predefined set of instructions.(due to the discreet-ness nature of the content ... it has been censored). after which sleep continues, and problem persisted. the problem area still centralised at leg. hmmm...
third run of thoughts, no idea and no thoughts. however, hear noise in the living room. left the bedroom and consulted with parents about latest happenings. through some brainstorming, might be mosquito. so left the lights on while sleeping. arh...finally all better already.
next question...where on earth are the mosquitoes from? hopefully they are non-dengue and non-AIDS.
i hope to get a job and settle down real soon, otherwise i might start churning out more of such lame and nonsensical post.
after the first day of holidays, got tired of all the gamin. switched slight attention to sleeping. slowly and painfully draggin through the day.
today, got so much sleep i think all my tissues all repaired beyond tip-top conditions.
wondering why i am not looking for a job to more productivity use time? i have but not looking too hard, i guess.
anyway, this morning, woke up at 0500++. actually, more accurately, i was disturbed from sleep. i had this unbearable itchness that spreaded throughout my body. at first, i thought it was jus hallucination. so i jus scratched, and tried to make it go away.
then i went on and on, till the itchness actually kick started my whole brain to wake up. at that moment, my body still remains in half sleep mode. brain started to analyse. first, was wondering why the leg has more centralised itchness. so next corrective measure, to the nearest bathroom, rinise leg. still itchy, and condition spreading upwards.
second run of thoughts, maybe the bed got fleas or similar pests. next corrective action, left bed, and sleep on the mattress on the floor, which was beside my bed. only bringing along bolster. initially, it seemed that the problem was gone. suddenly, remembered that today was 6th April. hmmm...brain suddenly executed an predefined set of instructions.(due to the discreet-ness nature of the content ... it has been censored). after which sleep continues, and problem persisted. the problem area still centralised at leg. hmmm...
third run of thoughts, no idea and no thoughts. however, hear noise in the living room. left the bedroom and consulted with parents about latest happenings. through some brainstorming, might be mosquito. so left the lights on while sleeping. arh...finally all better already.
next question...where on earth are the mosquitoes from? hopefully they are non-dengue and non-AIDS.
i hope to get a job and settle down real soon, otherwise i might start churning out more of such lame and nonsensical post.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
hmmm...kinda of like startin the first official day of my holidays on a bad note. then again...define bad note.
erm...the whole episode came to an end, or shld i say an expected ending.[writing this is not getting any easier]actually, it was kinda of like that module exam which you already know you are bound to fail when you first read the paper. hehe...but i guess no harm trying, rite? a few things to celebrate, as well as a few things to mourn and bits to clarify and apologise.
a few things to mourn over. well...(censorsed. due to the explicitly sad nature of the content, the censorship board of maxferes.blogspot.com has decided against the publishing of it)in short, lets observe that few seconds of silence for those unwaivering warriors who persisted in this field of sorrow and pain, which they call love. lets observe that few minutes of silence too for the Pope. for his unrelentless giving of his love to the world.
bits to clarify and apologise. well...jus to clarify to those who reads this. this blog is an outlet for those whom i know, meaning frens, to recieve and update themselves on my latest happenings. these latest happenings due to time constraint are limited to the MOST important and near the heart events. lastly, but not the least, i hope to apologise to Song Meiling, for the grieve, mental torture, heart pains, tears and peer pressures that surmounted during this period. i never meant for it to be this way. i wish i knew other ways that i could tread more gently into your heart for an answer, and gently creeped out with that answer. forgive my boorishness, my impulsion and my inconsiderations.
a few things to celebrate. the end is here. to many this end has the annotation of bad, ending, saddness. however, to others, it maybe jus a relief. even before the answer came to light, i thought to myself to think positive. hehe...all that training now comes in handy. actually, i did get sometime good out of this experience, erm...i have grown to know better my own feelings, which are very vivid from the actions that i take sometimes. yea...
its late...time to move, time for other things, time for new time...
"time has been continually given to you, dun not worry about past, present and future, worry about what to do with it." - father, Koh Hock Ju(not in exact words but in exact meaning)
erm...the whole episode came to an end, or shld i say an expected ending.[writing this is not getting any easier]actually, it was kinda of like that module exam which you already know you are bound to fail when you first read the paper. hehe...but i guess no harm trying, rite? a few things to celebrate, as well as a few things to mourn and bits to clarify and apologise.
a few things to mourn over. well...(censorsed. due to the explicitly sad nature of the content, the censorship board of maxferes.blogspot.com has decided against the publishing of it)in short, lets observe that few seconds of silence for those unwaivering warriors who persisted in this field of sorrow and pain, which they call love. lets observe that few minutes of silence too for the Pope. for his unrelentless giving of his love to the world.
bits to clarify and apologise. well...jus to clarify to those who reads this. this blog is an outlet for those whom i know, meaning frens, to recieve and update themselves on my latest happenings. these latest happenings due to time constraint are limited to the MOST important and near the heart events. lastly, but not the least, i hope to apologise to Song Meiling, for the grieve, mental torture, heart pains, tears and peer pressures that surmounted during this period. i never meant for it to be this way. i wish i knew other ways that i could tread more gently into your heart for an answer, and gently creeped out with that answer. forgive my boorishness, my impulsion and my inconsiderations.
a few things to celebrate. the end is here. to many this end has the annotation of bad, ending, saddness. however, to others, it maybe jus a relief. even before the answer came to light, i thought to myself to think positive. hehe...all that training now comes in handy. actually, i did get sometime good out of this experience, erm...i have grown to know better my own feelings, which are very vivid from the actions that i take sometimes. yea...
its late...time to move, time for other things, time for new time...
"time has been continually given to you, dun not worry about past, present and future, worry about what to do with it." - father, Koh Hock Ju(not in exact words but in exact meaning)
Friday, April 01, 2005
recently...actually more like yesterday, i was browsing around the GREAT BIG WIDE internet again, as usual, to search for more stuff on astrology. till i came upon a unique page whereby the page provides non-usual reports for people's predication. instead of comin out in the report format of what lucky numbers, lucky colors, what suitable partnership you can form with who, etc.. the report came out in the form of 14 mandarin sentences.
1. 宜任教職，適合研究學問及藝術可有所成就，不宜經商。
2. 一生起伏大，不聚財。
3. 先勤後惰，言過其實，惟為人隨和，不計得失，心情愉快。
4. 能言善道，頗有風度，具寬容、博愛的力量。
5. 適合口舌的職務，會出名。
6. 易流於浮誇傾向外務。
7. 可得外族或他鄉人的特殊提拔。
8. 會娶到一位好內助。
9. 會有桃花。
10.吃苦耐勞，工作上競爭對手多。
11.有其名，無其實。
12.藉由他人之力，以彰顯自己。
13.別人容易高估命造本人之實力。
14.近朱則赤，近墨則黑。
for the benefit of those who have difficulties in understand the above sentences, below are the translation(these translation are to the best efforts of the author). i must also admit that i am not that proficient in mandarin.
1. well-suited for teaching, research and artistic type of jobs. not suitable to be in commerce
2. a whole lot of ups and downs, and dun accumulate wealth.
3. hardworking at the beginning and lazy at the end.easy-going personality and doesnt mind profits and loss. happy moods.
4. eloquent, slightly charming, forgiving
5. suitable positions with usage of tongues and mouth, will be famous
6.
7. able to recieve specialised help from people of other tribes or immigrants.
8. will marry a helpful wife.
9. consist problems with girls
10.hardworking and enduring, alot of competition at work
11.does not have the power that comes along with that title.
12.through the abilities of others to illustrate my capbilities
13.people easily over-estimate my capbilities.
14.i get influenced very easily.
i find some sentences very true. sentence 3. i know myself better that others know me(i hope). i am that kind of person that can always give a good start to all of my projects and ideas, but not exactly the one to see it through. then sometimes i feel that i am too easy-goin that i dun have alot of close frens. sentence 13. i always recieve this unidentified pressure that i am always this and that, while i always think that i fall short of at least an inch. sentence 14 is undoubtly true. thus i am still working hard to kick start my own opinions and beginnin to solidfy my decision making capabilities.
then there are always some sentences that i hope will come true in time. sentence 9. actually, i dun mind consistently surrounded by girls and havin them as a source of my troubles. sentence 8 is also another line that i hope to come true.
maybe i was quite influenced by Vincent Ng. he used to tell me how a family is important. hmmm...i used to think that its because he have a very good girlfriend that he is now looking forward to a family. nowadays, i jus get thinking that his ideals are actually quite true. a stable home is where a MAN/WOMAN will leave from everyday. it will be quite a ideal source of power and motivation for me. it will be an ideal source of rechargin and relaxation as well. most importnatly, it maybe the best thing that 2 heterosexuals can share.
i sure hope i can find this source of power soon.
1. 宜任教職，適合研究學問及藝術可有所成就，不宜經商。
2. 一生起伏大，不聚財。
3. 先勤後惰，言過其實，惟為人隨和，不計得失，心情愉快。
4. 能言善道，頗有風度，具寬容、博愛的力量。
5. 適合口舌的職務，會出名。
6. 易流於浮誇傾向外務。
7. 可得外族或他鄉人的特殊提拔。
8. 會娶到一位好內助。
9. 會有桃花。
10.吃苦耐勞，工作上競爭對手多。
11.有其名，無其實。
12.藉由他人之力，以彰顯自己。
13.別人容易高估命造本人之實力。
14.近朱則赤，近墨則黑。
for the benefit of those who have difficulties in understand the above sentences, below are the translation(these translation are to the best efforts of the author). i must also admit that i am not that proficient in mandarin.
1. well-suited for teaching, research and artistic type of jobs. not suitable to be in commerce
2. a whole lot of ups and downs, and dun accumulate wealth.
3. hardworking at the beginning and lazy at the end.easy-going personality and doesnt mind profits and loss. happy moods.
4. eloquent, slightly charming, forgiving
5. suitable positions with usage of tongues and mouth, will be famous
6.
7. able to recieve specialised help from people of other tribes or immigrants.
8. will marry a helpful wife.
9. consist problems with girls
10.hardworking and enduring, alot of competition at work
11.does not have the power that comes along with that title.
12.through the abilities of others to illustrate my capbilities
13.people easily over-estimate my capbilities.
14.i get influenced very easily.
i find some sentences very true. sentence 3. i know myself better that others know me(i hope). i am that kind of person that can always give a good start to all of my projects and ideas, but not exactly the one to see it through. then sometimes i feel that i am too easy-goin that i dun have alot of close frens. sentence 13. i always recieve this unidentified pressure that i am always this and that, while i always think that i fall short of at least an inch. sentence 14 is undoubtly true. thus i am still working hard to kick start my own opinions and beginnin to solidfy my decision making capabilities.
then there are always some sentences that i hope will come true in time. sentence 9. actually, i dun mind consistently surrounded by girls and havin them as a source of my troubles. sentence 8 is also another line that i hope to come true.
maybe i was quite influenced by Vincent Ng. he used to tell me how a family is important. hmmm...i used to think that its because he have a very good girlfriend that he is now looking forward to a family. nowadays, i jus get thinking that his ideals are actually quite true. a stable home is where a MAN/WOMAN will leave from everyday. it will be quite a ideal source of power and motivation for me. it will be an ideal source of rechargin and relaxation as well. most importnatly, it maybe the best thing that 2 heterosexuals can share.
i sure hope i can find this source of power soon.