another one of my cousin got married today. it was a joyous occasion, the pity was that not everyone shared the same joy.

another cousin was worried sick about the finances of a wedding. well actually her hubby-to-be is the one thats worried, and she worries for him financially as well. she was quite well drowned in the red wine and the scale of the wedding that she could not afford, well not at this moment or anytime soon.

another cousin was also waiting for that big day. waiting for her hubby-to-be to be ready to wanna do it. not because that guy had committment problem, that i dun know for sure, but its due to less than ideal bread situation as well.

well me? i sat there thinkin of her. if memory still serve me well, this is the first wedding i have attended after our break. although we didnt attend many weddings together, it still feels lonely without her. deep down i still ponder if i shld have did wat i did. either the empty void in my heart or my mind rationalised it, i did it for the best of us.

will she find a great guy to walk down the aisle? will i attend and make a clown of myself at her wedding? will i give blessings to the couple? the alcohol inside me isnt helping like it was promoted in the TV shows.

i need to change...

its been some time since i last wrote. but nothing seems to have changed, with regards to her. i know its time to move on, how?

tonite i attended a team dynamics talk. made some good realisation. i actually have some issues with committment. i guess thats why i haven been able to stick to any groups of frens. according to some team expert, the lack of committment will hamper me from knowing ppl and letting other ppl know me in depth. so far, true.

so now, personal target: to cultivate committment. arrgh...help?