an sms got to my phone last night...however, i only read it this morning. it was from my best fren, Benny. in the sms, he told me that his father had been admitted to hospital the night before. i replied his sms on the spot. till now, still no news or further update. maybe i will attempt to contact him later in the night.

i guess without his sms, i wouldnt be having such a clear view of what is actually happening around me. during this Battle Royale phase, or even just after the disband of Streats, i haven been keeping myself updated about the world around. i have slowly retracted myself into a self centred, self absorbed geek cum loner.

Death and Destruction. if one would have noticed, these past few mornings have always been reports of saddening nature. bright beautiful mornings suddenly tainted by cruel facts of life. people everywhere focusing on such tragic and unfortunate issues.

then i told myself, dun bother about it before i reached school this morning. not that i am trying to escape the facts or truth, but its just that over-emphasis over any event can only spell trouble. this is an obvious lesson from the books of history. people who over-emphasis for the need of power, often fall prey to their own prowess. people who over-emphasis for the need of wealth, often crushed under the weight of their own possessions. people who over-emphasis for the need of perfection, often have seeked but never returned.no matter what the emphasis, stay in equilibrium.

i have actually been quite a fan about unified theology. i believe deeply, that all religion have a common basis on which they are formed, equilibrium. that it is in that common basis that we should believe most in. for example, in the bible, the Pharohs over-emphasised on the creed, the whole 'i am the noble and you are the slave thing'. then Jesus tried to educate the people not to so much emphasis on all that morally undesirable behaviours. behaviours like discrimination, slavery, proud, selfish-ness, greed, etc. Jesus tried to teach the world the idea of equality, when back then it was deemed upon as a myth. Jesus, had shown the world equilibrium.

then you look at the teachings of Buddha. HE who tries to teach the world to take a step back from the whole world. once you take a step back from the path where you are heading, u might find many other choices. emphasis on not what YOU should do where you should go or what should be done. HE also teaches the idea of non-good and non-evil. as you emphasis on which side you belong, you tend to be restricted and in the end harm yourself. equilibrium was the Way.

if you happen to be in a religion yourself, try and look deeper into the words that are thought. look in between the words and discover.

usually at this point my thoughts goes into a bottleneck and then implodes. so if equilibrium is the supposed ideal that we should look upon on. what if we over-emphasis on equilibrium? haha...sometimes when one overly into a certain issue, all else narrows forcing you into a pinhole.

hmmm...wondering if it was all the Yin-Yang theory that i have been studying too much. to correct a well known misunderstanding, yin-yang theory is not a religion(only that taoist use it as a basis of study) and it is nothing to do with praying to whatever gods or goddess. it is the supposed simplified theory about the world around us, created by an unknown author. it was rumored to be versed out in pictorials before 3000BC(or before the first civilised dynasty in China, Zhou Dynasty).

haha...dun worry i wont try and explain nor go through it here. please read up on your own if you so wish lazybones.

today when i entered the Battle Royale fight number 3(sensors and drives). 2 more fights till the end of this season of Battle Royale.

hmmm...i took some BIG steps within these days. so no harm taking another one. actually, i have been quite hesitant about puttin up names and actual events that happen around me. for one, i was kinda sparing a thought for others' privacy. well, not everyone is quite open about what happens to them. NOT that i am a show-off. its jus that i got really bad handwriting to write a diary, besides wouldnt want to continue to kill off more trees jus so i can write.

so...on that matter, i would jus like to say who i was referring to in the March 27th, 2005 post. that person is Song Meiling. she was jus a classmate's 'sista'. then became a fren's 'sista', whom eventually became a fren.

as most of my 'psychic' frens have guessed, something really terribly big happened within the last 2 days. to others, i was jus making a molehill. to me, everest jus stood before thee.

erm...lets jus start the story from 2 days ago, on a particular night.

it was that day when i had recovered myself from all that weird thinking event. i had a mini study camp right at my house. meiling and serene were one of the few who arrived the earliest. i then tried to relate my joy in the riddance of mind-gripping thoughts. i must have looked really stupid at the moment. not realising anything about the meaning behind my consistent grilling over something so insignificantly non-related to myself.

then night fell, i still remember meiling approached me on MSN. she was checking if i was studying. we talked quite abit. actually we talked quite alot. she even managed to help me find out my feelings, which i had difficulty trying to understand all along. suddenly, everything jus fell into place. my own actions are actually the basic reaction of my emotions and feelings. by the mere, reviewing of my own actions, thoughts and memories, i have found my feelings. my feelings for her. i confessed without haste, right into her screen. my first confession. the most amazing thing was that it was done very naturally. i didnt feel that i had to make up any sentence, phrase or words that might please her. i jus typed what was on my mind. at that particular moment i was pleased.

that was night number 1. then followed day number 2. i still cannot get over the confession. i cannot get over that feeling of light-heartedness. that feeling of ahhh...(s0othing). however, my brain wouldnt jus let it go. there seemed to be something missing. actually, i did feel that something was missing and amiss right after the confession, but i was jus too ignorant of it till day number 2. i thought long and hard all the way till evening, when i finally found out what was wrong.

during the confession, i had expressed that i like her in a very close way. however, due to that short duration of time, my limited simplified english vocab and crystal clear understanding of that closeness, i jus said i like her. however, what i really do wanna mean was that i like her, and can i be her boyfriend.

so during the night number 2, i found my way to her screen through MSN again. i did not jus popped that question immediately right in front of her screen. NO way. that was jus too abrupt, uncouth and simply ill-mannered. we talked abit before thankfully and successfully, pulling up right into the main topic, or rather the main question. i popped her the question and waitied patiently for her reply. it almost seemed like the longest reply i had to wait. i was panicking right into my bones, while getting excited about the results.

alot of thoughts went flashing in and out of my mind and all of them seemed to converge into a single thought. a thought that i will not push her for her answer, because that would be simply too un-gentleman. i was actually jus expecting her answer to be a floating answer. meaning, i popped the question, to check out the progress bar. you know, when you begin to download files from the internet, you have to check whether the connection has been established. same idea.

meiling's reply was she needed time to think about it. EXPECTED. then i reply 'naturally'. if she had jus replied yes at that spot, i would really doubt the shelf life of our relationship. then she moved on to say that she would probabbly give an answer after her exams. EXPECTED. i wouldnt want her to destory her future jus thinking about us. i must admit, my timing was like kinda off. hehe...so now, at least at the 'attemptin to connect' stage. to break off the tension that i might have accidentally added on the conversation, i TRIED to crack a joke.

i think i am slightly more cheerful than my previous self, but unsure as to why that is happening.

met her today again at school. during this period of her consideration, i have made a promise to myself to maintain that status quo of being her fren. meaning, trying to act all normal, like normal. (wondering if last few sentences made any sense)

jus felt that i shld in fact record a particularly usual event that took place yesterday...

jus the day before yesterday, at around night time, i was helping a fren off-load her prob. meaning, she will jus blab in front of me while i jus attentive listen. to be more exact, she will jus type while i watch the screen attentively, on MSN(windows messenger service). fyi, i am using trillian a super comprehensive chatting software. oh well, that was like any other time that i would jus watch my screen and ponder over her problems. to me, it was jus liking learning life lessons, jus that it was from someone else. through all these problems that she tells me, it also informs me more abt her.

it was all normal till yesterday when i woke up. one of my first thots was abt her problem. well, it still seemed kinda of normal, since i was talkin to her the night before. naturally, the remants of the conversation might still linger some where in my brain. then i went to school to have a study session with a few other frens.(for those interested, i did not see her yesterday)

the day ended like normal. while cruisin on the bus back home, it suddenly got to me. i had been thinking consistently on her problem the entire day. her problem seemed to surface my brain whenever, my brain rests. and the only topics that i seemed to be talkin more on yesterday was abt her problem. hmmm...the only logical explanation was that maybe of the difference of views on that topic. i remember having quite a difficult talk. difficult in a sense of getting my point across. then for a very long long long long long time, i used very bare and direct words(for example, he was jus trying to get between your legs). hehe...actually this was the exact phrase i used, hope she dun mind. so maybe due to that, it left some impression in my head. when i reached home, i headed straight for my bed. thinking that a good snooze, might jus restart my brain to its normal state.

when i woke up, the unimaginable happened. i started to think more and more about her problems. at this point it started to creep me out. the problem seems to be taking root inside my brain. i tried to control my brain to divert and think about other matters(well, Battle Royale is INDEED around the corner). then the problem draws me back, liken to a quicksand. the brain almost saturates. the next solution i came up with was to play the PS2 and get my brain distracted. so Lord of the rings 3rd age, here i come.

the PS2 therapy worked for that few hours i was on it. after that, the same quicksand effect. it grew more and more problematic like the black hole. eventually, i was jus waitin for time to pass and her to get online. basic idea, to complain to her and hopefully she would know more and give me some advice. it was givin me such a headache and head spin, on top of that i felt super helpless. when i told her, wat happened, she thot i was jokin and asked me to have and early nite.

then this morning, everything was jus back to normal. no more problem, no more headache. wonder what really happened...

today, my illness finally reaches its secondary stage. first stage being the phase where illness will escalate very fast then slows down to an eventual second stage. then in the second stage, the condition of the illness stablise to an almost constant. no major changes in the condition, meaning...erm...meaning...oh well you will get the idea. anyway, i dun seemed to be in the state to be writing blog. i still seem kinda of dis-illusional.

and the best part abt this illness is that Battle Royale begins after this weekend. (depression). fancy being at a stage of illness while goin through Battle Royale. talking about Battle Royale. although it is up around the next corner, my brain is still quite as blank as can be. blank, meaning, erm...that blank feeling,...is there a 'full' feeling? would it be better if i had a 'full' feeling?

jus yesterday, met up with some of my old army buds. one of them is goin after this girl, FULL FORCE. he tells me that almost everyday, he thinks of ways to entertain and to jus see that smile on her face. WOW!!! that is definitely a first for him.

then for another bud...i am glad he is moving up the academic ladder. he looks set to join the poly soon after his ITE studies. oh, i jus found out too. ITE cert is an equivalent to at least an Australian college cert(regionally equivalent too)!!! really explains why ITE added the word college to its name.

today, a fren JOYCE did something that really touched my heart. as you know, i am still quite having the sore throat and then not in much condition to dine at MacDonald. since joyce was comin to meet us(ryan, denise, leslie and me) for studies i thot i asked her to get me my lunch. being the typical libra, i didnt quite choose what i wanted to have. rather, i choose what i dont want to have, like fried or deep-fried, or BBQ or chilly foodstuffs. then miss yip bought me porridge. i guess thats her impression of the diet of the fallen(ill). on top of that, she got me a nice concotion of herbal tea. not very sure what herbal tea that was, besides, i dun remember any herbal tea that can worsen a sore throat. truly touched...thanks for goin to the extent...

oh...to add a dash of happiness to this blog(full of da word ill and ill-related words), would like to congrulate Mr Ryan Puah and Miss Denise Han for their 7th blissful months together. hopefully, they will have many more 7 mths together...

sometimes you really have to wonder which god, goddess or supreme being took the century off and begun to temper with you fate as entertainment.

JUS went i have decided yesterday that i would look at that girl from a distant, plot thickens. today i concidentally met her on the bus while on my way home. we chatted within that short time frame before she drops off. our last topic was regarding girls(wat else). SINCE i have decided to PLATONICise my relationship with her, i was hoping to get some advice from her abt gettin girls. her last words before getting off was PERSERVANCE(in exact was 持之以恒).

that was totally ... ... ARHAHRARHHH!H!H!H!!...

in times like this i ask myself, is this the sort of DIVINE intervention that i had always hoped? intervention to tell me to persist? if those characters had came from another person's mouth, it wldnt have stirred much commotion. however, it DEFINITELY came from her. the one who torments me hard and good.

was it a divine intervention? if not, does it logically mean that SHE knows about my helpless spiral of desire for her. that desire to feel her in my arms. that desire to feel her every heart beat and breath. NAH...dun think she knows about it at all.

or maybe she was using it in another context? did she think that i was after another person? hmmm...its quite safe to put the money here.

this is definitely killing alot of my brain cells. this HAS to be the post with the most usage of question marks. my brain is now in a state of "blank". as i try to recover my waking thoughts, she passed by me this morning. the scent that consistently lingers around jus doesnt fail to entice my brain cells into a strike.

(confusion sets in)

then the brain juices does an overdrive, seemingly to challenge the complexity of the problem at hand. i jus remembered some things from the books that talk about ancient face reading(reading fortunes from face). being a double eyelid guy, he will knowingly or unknowingly or intentionally or even unintentionally create and provide trouble for women. hence since the day of birth, am i destined to plauge all womenkind with troubles on top of all their burdens. also being a women with high cheek bone and super low resistance to illness, has decided her fate. to be a women consistently plauged with problems that concern to guys around her.

so far, with me and her. i must admit that i dun think i have given her much trouble nor problem. maybe that is why there is an intervention. that intervention is for me to continue to pester her and make sure she gets her fair share of problems and headaches from me. or that could be me thinkin too much and too into it.

if she be my assignment, can she be my last assignment to bother and trouble?

nothing big happened today...and for that i am glad. i used to crave for extra-ordinary life(i still do sometimes now). to be in super fanatised world of my own, living in extremely unimaginable situations and circumstances. hmmm...wonder if it was the hallucations by the drug i was taking when i was younger...hmmm.

anyhow, this marks the last second wkend of the last semster of the 2nd year of my course. soon the decisive Battle Royale will split the class up, into our individual electives. hmmm...goodbyes again. although i have had much training in saying it, there is still the problem of gettin it right. wondering why i am writing about this? obviously, its because there are going to be people that i am goin to miss. oh well...life still goes on, thus movin on.

about this girl that i have been trying very hard to eradicate and evict out of my head. i guess the final card has been laid. lettin it go. i have been concerning myself with how bad the situation might get if she finds out or if i confronts her. i am scared of the after effects. she might react differently from me. she might jus reject and slowly distant herself away, or she might not wanna see me again, or when we meet the next time it might jus get all weird and awakard. thus, laying down my decision to back off and watch from a distant.

"世界上最遥远的距离不是天涯海角, 天各一方, 也不是生离死别, 而是你在我面前而说不出我爱你"

moving on...was updating myself on a few blog site(fren's site). suddenly realised that xiao mei(ven) wasnt quite enjoying her time. from her blog, she seems to be havin some problem communicating with a fren. i dun know how i can make her feel happy like before again. she has that smile that can really brighten someone's day(well at least it did for me). i remember one tuesday morning, i met her at blk 56 bench area. she was reading a book(i think). she noticed me walking by and smiled. that sure brighten my day. watever has happened to her and her fren, i jus hope that she can take a step back and bring back that cheery happiness in her.

then i saw leslie's blog. well, its been quite a while since i have been there, or anyway on the net lately. i noticed that he posted quite some dialogues. being the curious me, i read to find out more. guess what, he actually post his inner thoughts. inner thoughts(the two imaginary voices that rattle in your brain). i actually admire his guts and balls(courage), that he actually was so public about his MOST inner thoughts. seriously, that was as real as can get. to others it seems was jus leslie talkin to leslie about leslie. however, in actual fact, it is a peek into leslie and wat goes on in his brain. INTERESTING.

well i must admit, i sometimes do talk to myself too over issues that i really cannot get a grip on or cannot let go of. its always easier to console another person, but the barber cannot trim his own hair. so wat to do? get creative. console and talk to yourself about it. this is how sometimes i explore and discover more of myself when problems crop. its really interesting once you stand on the 3rd person perspective on your own problem, you tend to view everything with DIAMOND clarity. how the problem was actually quite nothing, how the parties involved are quite riddculous and silly, how this and how that.

then at another site, i saw a sister trying to understand her little sister. feels nostagic. me being an elder brother and similarily will have a similar problem with a little brother. dun worry, everything will work out, afterall siblings are siblings.

remembering wat a fren said to me before, the magnitude of a problem is proportional to the square of the number of people involved.

another inspiration day jus happened.

maybe you have noticed. my recent post have little or never touch on the topic of the upcomin Battle Royale. jus goes to show how much my attention has been re-focused.

today, i had an AEM(advanced Engineering Mathematics) test, although its not part of the core module that i had to take, i still felt the responsiblities towards it. thus explaining for my rude and timely awakening. i had completed the paper in my own personal second worst attempt ever. i have been too FULL of myself. suddenly i felt the weight of my complacency in the every number and symbol that i drew from my pen. i was in a total state of ... ...

i would punish myself for the inability to take myself into hand. i would mourn at the regrets and spend the next century crying over spilled milk. HOWEVER, none would help or salvage the situation. thus i have decided to visualise my thoughts here.

i have totally nelgected my studies, but thats not the point nor crux. the crux was, wat i have nelgected it for? the answer stared right in my face, nothing. painful memories of the past suddenly re-surfaces to haunt the living. exact same thing happened in my ex-JC life. i totally wasted my time on NOTHING. I CANNOT LET THAT HISTORY REPEAT ITSELF, even at dear cost.

if theres one thing i learnt from my SMC(system modelling and controls) teacher, Mr Cheah Choo Leah, it would be the model for closed loop system. i feel that i am very poorly designed system. highly underdamped, low speed of response, attenuating feedback gain and low input impedance at the voltage follower. most important of all, i am using an Derivative control, one which amplifies all frequency noise.

reason for marriage? the union of 2 person who can be controller for each another. while the husband will feedback to the wife on himself. the wife then will systematically adjust her attitude towards him. the wife will also do vice versa, having the husband this time as the controller. secret to a happy marriage? maybe, maybe not. definitely a very difficult system for me to model on now.

putting aside how distracted i was by this particular girl, not to mention that most of my waking thoughts are distracted by her even by dream world is invaded by images of her. i guess its hard to tell whether all these feelings of her are pure. considering that i am inborn with the ability to think with my dick and male horomones.

the most pressing issue at hand other than the upcomin exams is Project F. F represents the first alphabet of a fren whom i have over the period neglected. i must admit that i was not paying alot of attention towards his studies and the direction it was taking. not that all that was my business, but i jus felt it meant alot to me.

he was my classmate when i first entered into this course. later on, he moved on to becomin quite a fren. however, life was all equal in meting out trials and tribulation. my first impression of him, was that he was a happy and postive person. despite all that quick witted antics he pulled at class, he was quite a reserved person. he was shaped like how a Male would behave.

Man(male species) was consistently throughout the primitve ages subjected to competition. competition to be the best, the fastest, the quickest, the most, etc. slowly, all this competition jus took root and grew from within. he learns how to show a false front in front of his fellow man, jus so as to find his rightful place within the society. then those who feels inferior, jus QUIT, in order not to slow or burden the pack. this mentally, has evolved through the ages and slowly took into other forms.

his name is Faizar. progject F, also means that he cannot afford to fail one particular module again. if he does then its goin to be bye-bye poly for him. that module is MAMS(mechanical aspect on mechatronic system). he is now doin a 2nd time on this module already. and as it turns out, i heard he fail the recent commont test for this module. the exams near, and i feel that he seeks to only draw himself away.

i see him totally strapped tight with his club activities and hardly even have time to breathe, does he even study? everyone has their own problems who doesnt? his family is goin through a rough patch in the financial aspect. and he tells me that he is studying at home. can i even choose to believe even 1% of that lie?

i have personally been through a financial rough patch as well, although not as big a scale as a family-size. every other day, money jus leaks out. with each leak, you will definitely feel an unidentified pressure comin down on you. that pressure alone has broken and sent alot of people to their ends, let alone handle it with studies. i am thankfully to have survived this experience and live to tell about it.

although is still do not have a clear picture of what's bothering his studies. i can only guess that its the FFF(failure, family, financial). BUT faizar, for the sake, completing this course of study please concentrate. i seriously doubt you can ever concentrate at class, while your mind wanders to think of your family and their finances. i also seriously doubt you can ever concentrate at home while your mind wanders about your studies.

"i seriously wish to help, please dun withdraw yourself from the crowd, from me. theres nothing wrong to ask for help. if we are all born to know everything, then what are schools, teaches and text for? please do not think that you are all omni-potent, and that you can take on everything by yourself. if thats the case, there would only be 1 person in every army of the world. i cannot bear to see you degrade yourself further. please let me and the people around you help you."
-- from a helpless fren, alan

jus when you thot that you have ran out of life lessons and morals of 1001 stories, it jus keeps on go and on and on and on and on....(you get the idea)

hehe...heres the disclaimer, lessons all taught and derived by Mr Chia Poh Hock(Xie Bao Fu).

lesson number 1, Look before you alight the bus(excluding bus interchange), especially when you notice that there is no one on board the bus. could be signs that you are not meant to go on board.

lesson number 2, dun board the bus if the bus driver puts up his hand in a 'stop' sign.

bleah...guess it wldnt be that hard to figure this case out wat happened. anyway, here's wat happened. was waiting for my bus to get home with mr poh hock at around 1700, the supposed 'goin home' time for everyone young and old. jus then the bus number 66 showed up with ZERO passengers. jus when the bus is about to stop at the bus stop, i saw the bus driver did that hand sign. the internationally well-known sign of....stop. :)

haiz...well nothing big about the bus or the trip, i guess. jus wished i understood more of his hokkien. his hokkien was spoken in such a un-Singaporean slang( or at least a slang i have not hear of) that the content simply did not mean a thing to me. thankfully, poh hock made out most to the information, but STILL dun expect us to walk home rite and waiting for another 66 might take another decade.

okok...enough puny events. NOW, the crux. seems that on the second month of this CNY, i am not really destinted to talk alot, which may somehow affect my fortune and stuffs like that. SO!!, jus too be on the safe side, i am trying to reduce the occurence of talking and the duration of it...hehe, sound like i am cutting down on 'mouth' bills. :) so if i appear too COOL to talk, not that i want to, jus to be on the safe side only.

another great news, THANKS for everyone who have ever stopped by and give my SUPER DUPER post a browse and greater gratiude for those who actually gave time to even read. recently, jus uncovered this small but meaning bunch of people. THANKS! thanks for taking an interest in my life, and no i dun intend to attract more attention by means of photos in birthday suit. i think i am doin jus fine...MANY THANKS and appreciation.

today supposed to be working at harvest catering, but guess they got enough hands. thot today will be another boring day again, since it was originally reserved to be for work. woke up feelin all lazy, especially when u look out the window. you see all the misty morning looming over the industrial Tuas. in case anyone is wondering, my window has an overview of the industrial side of Singapore. well, ended up in front of my computer deciding which game to RE-install and RE-play AGAIN.

half way getting all engrossed in the game, my fren messaged me. my fren Teo Chee Tat. met him while i was serving National Service. both of us was posted to the same depot in the same batch, and there were like a handful of us(to be exact 5 of us). our relationship...like brothers. haha...rather clinche sounding but true. at least for the most of us, and what exactly that means will be another story to tell. the ACK story. Cheetat was posted to the 'brain' of the depot, while i was posted to the top of the 'food chain' in the depot. hehe...but nothing like status ever ruined our relationship. like brothers, there was give and take.

its been a long time since i last met up with him. he is now studying in NIE. i wonder how NIE teaches teachers to teach. since he wasnt to keen i didnt do much probing. seems that he had been stressed out and needed some company. stressed by doin 2 individual projects in 3 days, well i guess thats part of studying life nothing much to complain there. anyhow, we had a session in the West Coast Recreation Club, playing 11 matches of 9 ball and 4 matches of 8ball. wanna guess the results? k so i wasnt much of a pool person, at least i lost by a close margin. : )

after that session, i thot of goin out somewhere with someone else...but no luck there, my wishes wasnt exactly reciporiated.

then came the main SHOCK event of the day!!!Cheetat actually jio me to go down to little india. that was quite a shocker, cos cheetat had always appeared to me as a VERY into China culture and arts kinda of person. he was from HCJC. he was interested in chinese calligraphy. he was well-versed in chinese poems and literature.

well i guess in the previous paragraph i had sounded the MOST discriminating in everyway possible. just to let everyone know I AM NOT.

he didnt let down the SHOCKER all at the same time. we were actually on topics of girls that he revealed that he preferred indian ladies. :O to be more exact, he preferred the Aryan features, that is common between most Northern Indians and European countries. i was still quite alright with that, because, well its beauty in the eyes of beholder.

when i asked about y the journey down to little india, he say his reasons in the most casual of ways. "To get BollyWood movies." WOW!!! ok...i admit i am quite a conservative person and thus it jus came across to me as a culture shock. and you think this was the only involvment.

later on, in the bus, he persisted to introduce to me the hindu songs in his mp3 players. i was way beyond shock and soon goin into coma. i wonder what brain-washing chemicals the NIE uses, i may need to stock up a few barrels of them. so i jus thot i give it a try. we took bus number 99 from clementi interchange and stopped at the bus stop jus behind of JE interchange to get to IMM. AND through the trip i was on his BEST selection of hindu songs. it shld be OST(original soundtrack) of some bollywood movie.

the day ended in its usual tone, "the only constant is change and that change is the only constant"

today one of my female fren was asking me how she looked in this new style of outfit. i gave her my honest opinion, that it was quite a refreshing look, and she is still bothering over it.

aiyoh...dear serene...if you seriously wanna know, heres the breakdown of wat i think about your new outfit today.

firstly, like how pravin thinks, it does look abit the 70's. however, looking 70's is not all that bad. the best part of it is that you actually brought out the simplicity and purity of that era, especially with the hairband. for me, i super like that theme and outlook of purity and simplicity. to add on to that, in the latest trilogy of my date with a vampire, ms Ma XiaoLing looked something like that too, before she became the super-mini skirted vampire buster. and oh, DUN listen to that COCK joshua say tummy being obvious in that outfit. ITS TOTALLY NOT TRUE. besides, i guess this new style can very beautifully bring out quite some good points about your figure.

---end of breakdown---

more importantly, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. jus find out how the beholder thinks about how you look then end of story. dun have to fuss here, worry there about how the whole world thinks, cos there are bound to be diverse ideas and critics. jus worry about how that beholder, whom you dress up for, thinks about it.

personally, i dun quite worry about how i dress, but that doesnt mean i dress up in ronald macdonald clown suit and pass it off as my wardobe. i try to dress wat i feel like getting into. then, i dun try to seek others' opinion, jus as long as its not a general cry for the fashion police. i do place more attention to the comments of that certain few people whom i consider to be closer in relationship with me. sometimes, even in this small group of people, i also get confused. :p

oh...while i am here, might as well intro my fren. my best best fren, benny. he's a fren i made in secondary school, which very concidentally was in the same primary school too. hehe...and to add, he often recieve public caning at primary school, but i still cannot reconigse him when i first met him. there was another named kumar. he also came from the same primary school and later the three of us met at the same class in at secondary level.

i met benny first at lower secondary then kumar at upper secondary. maybe it was that we had the same primary influence that we were quite close frens. we even managed to clinch a title in the racial harmony day during our graduating year. haha...our singing stint, unforgettable. IT WAS BENNY's idea, we sang "when 2 becomes 1". familar? yeap...the spice girls did that number too, acutally we adapted their number...hehe.

things change no doubt, however, i try every selfish ways to keep them by my side. seriously, although not every memories we had was all technicoloured, but it was us...all tears, joy, laughter, and even decit. i was at one point very confused and tried to decieve them to view things my way through decit. i was a bastard. and oh, with the captial B in bold. hey, still glad that you all are still by my side. thanks guys. thanks for the lesson.

kk...lets talk about something more joyous. benny is getting baptism this month. that would explain his new name michael and his goin to drop the other name which he has been using for 22 years. and kumar is still job hopping trying to find a PERM job in the electrical field. hopes and wishes that he gets it soon, otherwise his dip might jus expire on him.

like wat i have told my 2 best best frens, i have been quite distracted lately in my course of studies. twice i might add. first was near the end of last semester and second is roughly around now. either i am too desperately lookin for companionship or thinking too much. either i am amplifying and distorting the vibes she emits out or i am jus too desperate to want her. i still dun know her that well yet and it seems our interest kinda of conflict. i am more the stay home and indoor type and she is like the bubbly outgoing type. :p this time no names no clue(cos i dun want any IMMATURE OLD GUY from dun know where to act very CHILDISHLY). partly because, i still very in the blur about what i see or what i know.

TRUTH be told, this module EOH(emotions of heart) is really tough. i am not exactly aiming for a distinction in this module or even a 'B' grade, jus a pass will do. seems that newton's calculus or even einstein's theorem of general relativity is much simpler to understand and comprehend.

anyhow, i am not quite ready to approach her... ...yet.