back here again at memory lane.

recently, due to the things in motion. i have been set to be thinking about myself. the answer that came with the question was simple enough. or i thought so. i kept asking myself "am i too soft?"

i kept thinking about how i always thought for others and thought about others. i even go to the extreme of thinking for them even when the event has yet to be. hence, my character built up to be of cautious words and actions leading to a mysterious and unfathomable person. i keep getting this SNAG tag tied around my neck. not that i dislike it nor like it. its just that i dun know how to deal with it.

in view of Taoism and the whole yin yang concept, i shone it on myself. since guys are all supposed to be yang materials and yang stood for everything impulsive, reckless, stubborn, rash, etc.. you get the idea. but i however, keep finding myself standing on the opposite side of the line. on the yin side to be exact. i am nothing impulsive, not to mention stubborn nor rash. so from Taoism point of view, i am a yin guy. in short, i am messed up. maybe what i need most now is a dash of yang. time for slight personality adjustment?

there have been this project that i have been doing for quite some time. come to think of it. its about 1yr and 2 mths plus. its a part of my life that i cant get it or understand. not that i am not trying, but its just that she is making it hard for me. if i said that i was the yin, she would definitely be the yang.

she is detached but craving love. she is simply complex. she is without reasons and logic defying. she is sometimes cold that sends shivers down the heart and yet at times warm and fluffy that totally brighten the day. she is mostly in a world of her own and all i do all the time is to look for that door. everyone around her seems to have found the door except me, wondering deep where that key has been cached. while looking into her world full of people happy, joyful and smiling. all so perfect just the way it is without me.

there have been times where i have thought about whether i do belong in her world. i first came by this little world once upon a time. in this land far far away, i saw this little girl that i liked. i try as i may and try as i might, to get into this little world of delight. no matter how much i shouted at the doors or how hard i knocked. it seems that she just stared right in my eyes, i could not have known what she was thinking.

was she thinking about why this stranger is trying to intrude into my private space? or was she thinking about whether to let this stranger in? or was she thinking did this stranger knocked on the wrong door?

i dun not even know the questions let alone set quest for the answers. she has me totally baffled. she has me totally under her spell. i have no where to run nor to hide as i lay bare in front of her. i am hopelessly i. L...