this maybe the only place left for me to rant at will, complain non-stop and unload everything i carry.

this is march 10 2007 0139hrs...

why am i up so late? partially becos i was out meeting some old buddies. benny and kumar. the other part? trying to send out my letter of forgiveness...

summary update:
- back together with joyce again...
- recently attended her graduation ceremony
- did something else at her graduation ceremony

hence, i was up on the idea of writing her a letter to ask for forgiveness. this idea was to be coupled by the other idea of leaving the letter on the windscreen of her car. i visited her usual carpark at 2230hrs. no sign of her car. then again at 0100hrs. DISAPPOINTED

i wonder if i am more angry about not delivering the letter or not knowing what had happened to her. the last i heard from her was a reply that she didnt knock off earlier. that is relative to her almost everyday OT timing. if i told u that it wasnt getting to me...i will be lying through my keyboard.

its not that i am trying to keep tabs on her. but isnt it amazing how i can think of communication as the most important tool yet she is not very into this communication stuff. or maybe jus not to me?

i was jus talking to benny. he was telling me that he wasnt planning to get attached at all. seems that he feels his lack of time would lead to his lack of commitment. funny how it seems to be with joyce.

with her 5-day work week on her shoulders, the most impt thing she need at the end is a good rest. so that leaves jus wkends. with sunday being her family cohension day, saturday is the only day of the week left. however, the contenders are getting to be in a very long queue. from friends, to colleagues, to me and probable other family matters.

so if you work out the stats, i will on average get 1 date per month. the odds jus gets better, since her friends group consist of many other sub groups which can have the options of taking up more than 1 sat. not to mention the colleague bonding that is essential to all workplace.

"face it" u say. ya...i have to understand her pain-staking 'body splitting' every month. too add to above odds, she is probably the least sticky girl i have seen.

maybe the problem really actually lies with me. sighz...we will nv know.

i am of course an uninteresting person with rather low sense of humour. low apathy replaced with a very engineer's touch of reason and looking at things. i am not a dresser not to mention good looks or chiselled body. i have ego, pride and low intellect coupled with low confidence.

by now you should have a picture or the worst guy you can meet on the street. not to forget my t-shirt, basketball pants and slippers.