today...tuesday, i think they showed the last episode of CSI : Las Vegas on Channel 5 this very nite. which season was it? no idea. all i was concerned about was the engaging investigation and sourcing for clues. soon they will be showing CSI : maiami(sounds like that)

today i also reach another height of tolerance. tolerance for? hmmm...at this point some flashback would come in...
(flash) (flash)

remembering sometime ago, something drove between my current project partner and me. and that has started to get me thinking if i am really that bad a person to get along with. if i had one wish from a magical genie, i would wish for one more truthful person to speak about me. i have enough...ENOUGH(stressing that point) of all this avoidance and surreal facts. can someone please tell me wats goin on??? current state:depression.

back then, i remember that there was this period of time when all the deadline came crashing. the due date of ART(automation and robotics technology) PBL(problem based learning) was drawing. not to mention the upcomin of the upcomin ART Final Assessement and the VIVA Presentation of our Final Year Project. that was a period of bleak-ness for me. it was a period where i saw myself repeating a previous mistake i made in my JC days. i was adamant to stop such a negative flow.

jus at this moment of crisis, i saw myself and my partner, through and through. the ART PBL was about a project that a group of us are supposed to embark on. in our group, there were 3 of us. hence the project was divided carefully into 3 sections and each would handle a section, namely the mechanical, electronics and programming. my partner gleefully took the mechanical part. i voluntered the programming section, while the 3rd member took the electronics.

as we had poorly organised and planned for this project, we had to do very last min work. i was glad that everyone was able to keep to their own section and fulfil each section's requirement. however, this was the most disappointing part as well. as i scramble within lines of sample codes, trying to understand it. my partner stood his ground. there was nothing wrong with it. except that, i had on my own wishful thinking hoped that he had helped out with the electronics section, as he had completed his section early. like i have said, that was my own wishful thinking...

i feel myself ever so tied up. another burden that i carried was my own reputation. the reputation that i was so good at what i do. people saw how easily i had excel at what i did, and overlooked my efforts i gave out for it. i was fed up with it. however, i could not have change mass opinions overnight. the worst part was that even my own partner cannot even believe that. he went out all the way to challenge me. challenge? are we not a team? are we not assist one another? are we not to cover each another's ass? are we not to take turns to play the fiddle? he flaunted his better results through only a few hours study, over my resutls. seriously, i did feel beated results wise, but i feel disappointed not havin a partner of at least the similar values.

days before the Final ART Assessment and ART PBL submission, he approached me on MSN and asked if i could help him study for the upcomin ART assessment. i was in the middle of cramming as much understanding of the program codes as i could and worrying for the ART assessment(which i have studied for). i was up to my neck with problems of my own. the least he could do is to at least ask how i was doin during this period.

suddenly ,gushes of memories relating to him came back all at once. it was always flashes about him goin out with frens for movie session. it was always about him telling other frens how much more free time he since he became a 3rd year student. my brain continued to dwell on the more and more of such related memories. that eventually tipped my scales. i blasted him off over MSN. from what i know, he has only wasted all his free time at who knows what, instead of consistently studying. suddenly, i developed an awareness. maybe there are really people who deserves assistance and help and some who doesnt at all.

my emotions ran amock and was at brink of insane madness. after that blast, i tried to keep my distance. when that was no longer possible, i left MSN. then continued in the piles of program codes.

ever since that nite, the wedge between us became very obvious and vivid. in the shape of knife and color of cold. knivin between us day after day, and adding chill as with progressing inch. it was a matter of time before the end.

(flashback end...back to trichome color)

i selected this course partly because of the sumo competition. i was super driven back when i first joined this course. i used to eat, sleep and think of Zer0. now only the hollow is left. the remainder passion is now driving my body to finish up Zer0. i am not lookin as forward to the birthdate of Zer0. now i know that it is one thing to fulfil a dream and another to fulfil dream with someone who literally wanna jus scrape through.

i jus finished the remote control for the auto Zer0. the PCB(printed circuit board) design was jus given to Mr Goh to be fabricated. as i announce to the rest of the sumo teams, his immediate reaction was :"you expect me to make the casing also ar?"

... ... ...tired... ... ...mentally... ... ...strained... ... ...