"Oh my flyer, oh my flyer, lah la lah, lah la lah la ..."

Yea! took a ride on the Singapore Flyer today...actually yesterday(its past midnite already). Ride complimentary from my dad(who else).

Interestingly, the Singapore Flyer company gave all taxi uncles and aunties a free ride on it before the actual opening. imagine that! well, i think its a great move. imagine this in a smaller scale, in a resturant setting, between waiters and chef. wouldnt it be a great move for the chef to keep the waiters in the loop on new menus or new wine. similarily, keeping frontline service providers in the loop on the new and exciting is one way to improve the tourism scene. i heard that even bus uncles and aunties get free rides too.

my dad had a taxi license stashed away in his wallet, so he got a free ride. To him, that license would be his fall back, in case the industry he works in suddenly collapse, migrate or abandon him. as families, we get discounts too, 25%. wahahaha...i think invited friends do get discounts too. cos my brother's gf also got the discounted tickets. As long as the cabbie driver(in our case, the cabbie license holder) buys the tickets.

The whole ride took about 35mins. so if you are one of those who has uses up your woo-hahas very quickly, my advice do some foreplay and a long one. apparently, i think the only part worthy of great excitement would be when your carriage reaches the top. do be careful, the moment comes silently and passes very fast.

The scenery was ok-ok, not the very spectacular. maybe its because we took the ride in the dusk. who knows, maybe the nite view of skyscrapers and construction cranes would be nicer. so instead we got a supervisor view of the roads being renovated to F1 standards, the Integrated Resorts still in works, the Marina Barrage to create more freshwater fun and not forgetting the weird float-about soccer field.

how to get there might be slightly tricky. advice would be to take a bus if possible. if you walk from the nearest MRT(city hall), please be in your most comfortable walking attire. the bus service number that reach is 75 77 106...(and some others which i cant remember, i m not robot you know). it would be near Marina Bus Terminal.

If you happen to drive, do get a new directory or simply use streetdirectory.com. cos according to a taxi uncle, theres actually a hidden new road from ECP. that road will bring you to somewhere near clifford pier and direct to the junction of Temask Ave and Raffles Bolevard.

The most interesting that i MUST write about was the ZONDA. yes, i did not spell wrong and you are not reading wrong. Pagani Zonda was spotted when we arrived. as it turns out, the owner was attending the grand opening of the seafood resturant. Needless to say, there were many 'small boys' taking fotos of the dream car. it was definitely a once in a life time to see a this machine up close. naturally, not many girls understood the craze, including my mother. then when it left...the roar of the engines. ahhh~~!!!

just to add, if you are dining before/after the 'flight', there are plenty of outlets at Marina Square and Suntec. Dining in these places, will definitely do your pocket health more good than dining in the Singapore Flyer Centre.

Time to koon...back to mundane life in a few hours time...

21 word poem

江山之古忌美女，家庭之今忌红颜。
孝道之仁无浪子，痴情之人无明君。
纪律之命望兴家，逍遥之运望玉琴。

finally got myself out of Vday. these few days, i lived in the dreamy recollection of Vday.

i met her, we talked. i believe it was the best ever. i felt her, and i guess she felt me too. it was jus great. the feeling of talking into one another's heart without words but mutual understanding. but there were no conclusion drawn...yet!

there are still somethings that i have to settle. an answer that i will have to give her. where do we go from here? how will it end?

i dare not promise her anything, as i dun have that capacity and ability to meet it. what i hope for is a chance with her, no restriction attached.

argghh...

suddenly getting cold feet...havin a bad feeling abt this comin thurs. am i having too much expectation? am i thinking it too rosy?

(reading back wat i wrote previously)...

am i asking too much of her, to once again accept me back to her life? is she more happy without me around? should things remain as status quo? maybe i am the only one that is still holding on to the past.

should i go ask plan previously? ... ... can there be a sign?

the stage is set. i will be meeting her on this coming thursday, V-day. motive? to bare it all out

y this agenda all of a sudden?

currently, i am at the crossroads
1) can forget her (OR)
2) patch back with her

it is evident enough that i cant forget her.

this thursday, i will be more about asking her how she still feels about me. it cant be that since i wanna get back with her, so she must accept me. she might already feel differently about us and me.

and also, i would really be hoping to hear a reassurance from her if i were to choose path no 2. a reassurance that will give me the strength to make the leap into the other path.

reassurance that comes in the form of 'naked' self. in the form of her fears, her sorrow, her worries and her depression. the side that she keeps it stuffed away. so that i maybe able to protect her from fear, stand with her in sorrow, share her worries and wake her from depression.

crumble was the word...

day 3 into my attempt. but one sms from her..."wanna go watch movie and have dinner?"

hesitation was as good as an ant trying to stop a flood. officially i guess thats the end of my attempt.

had a very interesting dream last nite...

btw...now slacking in company, cos LUNCHTIME.

continuing the probable attempt to forget her(forget the pain that is associated with her). i dreamt that she was sms-ed me, regarding her change in fone number. i nearly woke up thinking i really read the sms.

interpretation for the dream:
- guess i really cant put her out of my mind
- even in dream i hope she would stay in contact
- good number to bet on? i doubt so...dun even remember the number already

its like day 2 of the attempt and i already dreamin of such stuff already. an attempt with possible favourable outcome?

why have we ended up like this? instead of goin through all this drama, why not get together? why cant i leave the associated pain behind and retain all the happiness and joy?

my post nowadays seems to always be abt her. its becos i still cant displace her from the center of my world.

i jus saw her profile in facebook. she added some new pictures. pictures of her fren and her on a cruise ship.

back while we were still together, i asked her if she wanted to go for a cruise ride. she replied that i would have to bring her whole family along. now looking at the pics of only her fren and her. i felt this sudden depression.

an emotional downturn, which (apparently to myself) have no control of.

it still hurts...how can i get past her?

maybe a long long long long long silence(ceased communication) between us will wash away everything. wash away my memories of her, her face, her smile, and her everything...

yesterday, was my first day of Industrial Attachment(cos now is past midnite already).

first day at work, we were all thoroughly slammed with watever secret acts that there is. basically, i was doin my best not to think of it as a prison cell. the only movement that i am quite restricted to is my office block(certain offices only), the HR building lobby and the canteen. seriously, when they find you at places that you are not to be, seems that it wouldnt be jus reprimanding. talk about serious regulation problem.

after work i joined wilson for a drink at marina area. it was his treat for my first day of work, or rather it was his excuse to not be alone and out of the house. the worst part was the live band.

it wasnt that the 2 of them sucked. it was a matter of preference not to want them at all. i prefer the soft(volume-wise) music at the background. when u have such a music, there is a choice of listening. when the live band is jus there, you can ignore it. there seems to be no way to NOT listen, when u happen to see them, the music starts getting in. leaving absolutely no choice for listening or not, when it is so much louder.

all of a sudden, i felt an urge to talk to wilson about stuff.(i do pour some of my stuff to him)he ended up being a listener, to at least a portion of wat i wanted to say or had felt.

recently, i went out with her again. the feeling was mixed. i really enjoyed looking at her smile, listening to her nonsense and being near her. i am really glad she agreed to come out and her willingness to still share stuff about her with me.

but it was also mixed with uneasiness. i wondered how to approach her again. to see her as a fren, would be to learn all over wat a fren she was. cos i cant remember how to treat her as a fren. then the song came on.

"heaven knows" - adapted and replayed by the live band

She's always on my mind ...
And even now she's gone, i am still holding on...

Maybe my love will come back someday
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
But only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope & pray
'Coz heaven knows.

My friends keep telling me
That if you really love her,
You've gotta set her free
And if she returns in time
I'll know she's mine

But tell me, where do I start
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go

suddenly...everything jus drowns out. either by the beer, the band or by wilson

argghh...was reading my ntu email yesterday morning(now its already past mid-nite), and got the shock of my life. turns out that ST Aero withdrew from the Industrial Attachement program. as it turns out, i have to reselect my attachment company on a first-come-first-serve basis?

such responsibility coming from government-linked company. hmph. in the end, i choose to attach to ST kinetics. its much nearer to my place, mind you. besides, it seems to offer better allowance. woo~~

nothing much to write about actually, but i was at a crossroad yesterday. i was wondering if i shld have told her about it. when i first got my attachment at ST Aero, i was delighted and excited that i immediately texted her, despite during her working hours. now i ponder over wat i shld/shld not have done regarding the change.

the though of telling her about the change crossed my mind, OBVIOUSLY. but i cant bring myself to text her. am i still being emotionally attached to her? would it still be right? can i? i still have that guilt feeling when looking at other girls.

enuff said. i did mention i hope to put her behind.

argghhh...today is new year's eve. plans: nil. wonder wat is she doing?

guess 1: countdown with frens
guess 2: stay home

jus got my results for my 3rd year sem 1 examinations. it was...horrid. the only thing that i was only mildly pleased was that i nearly passed all my modules. i got mostly Bs and Cs.

ARGGHHH..i have slacked off.

distractions? temptations? no! i should take the blame. for the incompetence of assessing my own ability, as well as the incompetence of a study schedule, last but not the least, incompetence of discipline and focus.

this is all going DOWN. i shall without fail take these vices to six feet under.

this is the awakening call that i must not condone such evil.

I WILL GET A GRIP.

woooo...jus came back from leavin the final present for her, on the windscreen of her car. in a blue blue envelope(specially made from blue color paper)

it was really exciting. i went to her usual carpark at around 2340hrs+ nearing midnite to christmas day. i was very disappointed that her car was not around. oh well, its christmas eve and everyone is entitled to have fun.

as i was walkin despondent away from the carpark, i decided to drop the gift into her mailbox. jus as i was walking, i suddenly heard a few claps of thunder. somehow i was reminded of what happened yesterday.

yesterday, i was on pulau ubin with my society frens to visit chek jawa. it was so coincdental that she was there cycling as well. she saw me probbably helping out with one of the ice-breaker games. i told her that we would be at chek jawa at a certian timing. however, we still didnt get to meet up. not till around 1640hrs+, when we were all heading towards the jetty. at this moment, we finally saw each another. the moment was brief. she was at the bicycle rental shop while i jus returned from chek jawa on the van. i only got to talk to her at the jetty while waiting for the boat.

wat was interesting was that it started to rain when i met her. then it got worse when i was really close to her at the jetty. we went on different boats, and got seperated. the rain also changed to a slight drizzle while i embarked. somehow, i jus linked our meeting with the wet weather.

hence, when the sudden clasps of thunder came roaring. i was anticipating her return, even though i know its not scientific and its not logical. jus then i saw her car whizzed past the usual road she takes before entering the carpark. although i was at a distance and for a moment(cos i was covered by other structures in between her car and my position), i knew it was her car. but i still wanted to be sure.

i ran towards the multi-storey carpark, through the stairwell and caught a glimpse of the car plate as she went on the deck 2a. it was her car!!

from there on, i snuck around the carpark till she parked her car. i was behind every wall, snuck between cars and looking at her car always one deck lower from where her car was. finally she parked. i was still in stealth mode, waiting for her to be out of sight of her car.

everything felt like a scene from a CIA or Secret Ops movie, that with every step i took, i made sure she was within sight and i was not. my heart was thumping and thumping. i had to ensure she didnt see nor hear me. shhh...

after the gift was carefully secured on her windscreen, i watched her walk towards her lift from the carpark. watching her walk, i felt this urge to company her all the way to her house, like i used to. i even rushed down the stairwell, with the i-wanna-catch-up-with-her speed. the keyword here to note is: "used to". now i can only treasure those moments i used to have with her.

the really weird part is that after all these 'bourne' activities, i noticed that the sky wasnt really going to rain at all. was the clasps of thunder my imagination? or was it jus coincidence? or maybe we really arent made to see each another again? else it will rain cats and dogs.

if u(she) are really this, i would brave the weathers for you, with you...if i could and you let me.

finally back from a long break, a long break from here that is. i guess i am here to announce my closure of the previous relationship. i guess i finally can put an end to it. the closure came with the final gift, christmas gift.

this will signify my final acceptance and total appreciation of her throughout this period of time. although the gift isnt any big thing(in terms of cost), its jus the way i wanna express my final thoughts for her as someone special previously.

just hope that she doesnt read this before i give it to her. :) will ruin the surprise.

soon i will be starting out my internship @ ST Aero. wonder how things will be like. it really got me thinking about the future....digressing into a solemn topic.

current thots on future:
1) 1 million dollars readily at hand
2) the special female friend that i can have till...

yesh...finally my 10year plan. actually i got nothing yet.

got alot of concerns from alot of frens. there was the sms and present from my NTU gang. the surprising one was the msn message from SwanZ. i didnt know she knew about it, or had it marked somewhere.

the one that i valued alot was from joyce. her simple yet meaningful message. well meaningful to me, make that very very meaningful. if she was alcohol, i rather not be sober. however, things dun work like you wish, does it?

well...i still did promise myself a 10year plan. so here, it is.
1) by 10 years(which means my 35th birthday), i will have my 1st million under my beck and call.

2) by 10 years(which means my 35th birthday), i will have found a soulmate(somewho i can share 1001 conversation with and possibly share activities in common, not forgetting sex as well). defined narrowly by the intent to be with her, marry her and setup a future with.

well, the best 2 things that a guy can hope for, money and girl. a plural money and a singular girl. currently, its a singular money and a nothing.

so...if anyone feels like keeping in me in line with my commitment(i do have a commitment problem), feel free to sms me.

another one of my cousin got married today. it was a joyous occasion, the pity was that not everyone shared the same joy.

another cousin was worried sick about the finances of a wedding. well actually her hubby-to-be is the one thats worried, and she worries for him financially as well. she was quite well drowned in the red wine and the scale of the wedding that she could not afford, well not at this moment or anytime soon.

another cousin was also waiting for that big day. waiting for her hubby-to-be to be ready to wanna do it. not because that guy had committment problem, that i dun know for sure, but its due to less than ideal bread situation as well.

well me? i sat there thinkin of her. if memory still serve me well, this is the first wedding i have attended after our break. although we didnt attend many weddings together, it still feels lonely without her. deep down i still ponder if i shld have did wat i did. either the empty void in my heart or my mind rationalised it, i did it for the best of us.

will she find a great guy to walk down the aisle? will i attend and make a clown of myself at her wedding? will i give blessings to the couple? the alcohol inside me isnt helping like it was promoted in the TV shows.

i need to change...

its been some time since i last wrote. but nothing seems to have changed, with regards to her. i know its time to move on, how?

tonite i attended a team dynamics talk. made some good realisation. i actually have some issues with committment. i guess thats why i haven been able to stick to any groups of frens. according to some team expert, the lack of committment will hamper me from knowing ppl and letting other ppl know me in depth. so far, true.

so now, personal target: to cultivate committment. arrgh...help?

21 has remained an important date in my current life. after her, every other thing seems to wanna fall on the 21st. or maybe thats my delusion(a brain created image or idea to see wat i wanna see)

all is goin well. i hope. i have big plans for my own future but its currently tied to the house i am living in. i really hope my plans will go through successfully. although have to appear sure and confident of myself. i cant help to be sometimes overwhelmed by the uncertainties of life. guess that will have to get used to. :)

its been a month since our break-up. wat is a break-up anyhow? avoiding the person that you once held dear? making her less impt than how she once was? or is there no such thing as a break-up?

during this month, there hasnt been a day that pass without reminders of her. in songs, places, words and certain familiar yet distant feelings. still remember her little little habits and dislikes. certain songs that reminds me of her and us, or how we are or used to be.
"可是我却不能够在你的身旁
你想要的
我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的
却又不是你想要拥有的" - 李圣杰 最近

out of coincidence i met up with a few frens at a coffeeshop around her house to chill out. as i bade farewell to them and walked home. i past by her usual carpark. i hesitated for a while, before finally deciding to take a look around the carpark and find her car. i wasnt intending to do anything, but maybe jus take a look at the car even if i cant meet up with her. i went through the whole place, but the car wasnt there. guess it was meant not to be.

i continued on my way home, walking down the same path i used to take when i left her place. the sights and sounds seemed to be the same but the feeling has changed. there used to be certain amount of excitement when walking down the path. NO...not excited that i am leavin her place and heading home. rather it was a sense of excitement that overflowed from the date with her. it was always a path where i acted very stupid, where i had to consistently fear that ppl think that i am crazy.

happy memories will be where i can see and hear her again. even her angry face looks rather cute. will be looking out for your face in the crowd and your little getz in the traffic. that i guess will be the only constant in the break-up.

to my 专属天使 i hope the best for you, because i think u deserve it.

is it really letting go when u consistently think of clingin on? i guess something is really fundamentally wrong with me... ...

i tried to get her to come for my uncle's bday dinner. she agreed to it.

i admit. i was still very amateur about the whole dating after breakup. i realised it afterwards that i shldnt have done it. to make it a clean breakup and start facing up to the fact. i didnt tell her not to come, since she already agreed.

in the end, there was no sign of her. no sms, nothing to explain or even to say that she might not make it. i was mad at abt the whole agreed-and-didnt-meet-the-promise. she damaged my trust and faith in her.

the dinner was scheduled at 1900. i tried to msn her, when i saw her online at around 1800...but she didnt reply.

remembering that we are no longer together, i ignored all efforts to get her. i would have no authority to ask about where she was or whether she might be still coming. but our 1st day as frens, she had already disappointed me. did she forget? only she knows. its around 2330 and not a word.